Let’s see if this works in translation:
A German and a Dutch man are sitting next to each other on the train. The German takes his shoes off and stretches his feet. Then he says to the Dutch man: “I’m going to go get a drink, would you like anything?”
“Sure,” says the Dutch man, “I’d love a Coke.”
The German walks off to the cafe car in his stocking feet. As soon as he’s gone, the Dutch man looks around, picks up the German’s shoes, and spits a big loogie in each one.
The German comes back with a Coke for each of them. They pass the rest of the ride in silence until the German reaches his station. He puts his shoes on and instantly realizes what happened.
He stands up turns to his seat mate, beside himself with anger. He yells:
“Why does it have to be like this between our countries! Why can’t we just treat each other like human beings! When can we finally stop this spitting in the shoes, this peeing in the Coke?!”
Joke Poo: The Intergalactic Office Potluck
An Arcturian and a Martian are at the annual Intergalactic Office Potluck. The Arcturian, known for his culinary ambition (and questionable hygiene), presents a dish of shimmering, bioluminescent algae cakes. He then says to the Martian, “I’m going to refill my nebula juice. Want anything?”
The Martian, who has long suspected the Arcturian’s algae cakes might be sentient, says, “Sure, I’ll have a cup of Xylarion tea.”
As soon as the Arcturian floats off towards the nebula juice fountain, the Martian levitates to the algae cakes, discreetly pulls out a miniature black hole emitter, and utterly annihilates three of the cakes, leaving only a faint, sparkly residue.
The Arcturian returns with the tea. They continue to circulate, with polite small talk, until the end of the potluck, when the Arcturian returns to his algae cake dish, ready to pack up. He puts the lid on the container and notices the difference.
He turns to the Martian, practically vibrating with cosmic outrage. He yells:
“Why does it always have to be like this between our planets! Why can’t we just respect each other’s food! When will we finally stop with the black-hole-ing the algae cakes, the dissolving the xylarion tea in antimatter!?”
Alright, let’s break down this joke.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A German and a Dutch man are in a train, setting up a potential for national rivalry humor. The German initiates friendliness by offering to buy a drink.
- Twist: The Dutch man responds with seemingly innocent politeness (requesting a Coke) but then performs a disgusting act of sabotage – spitting in the German’s shoes.
- Payoff: The German confronts the Dutch man, but instead of directly acknowledging the shoe-spitting, he escalates it into a hyperbolic, absurd accusation of “peeing in the Coke” and a historical plea for peaceful relations between Germany and the Netherlands. The humor lies in the over-the-top reaction and the unexpected, escalating depravity.
- Underlying Theme: National stereotypes/rivalries, passive-aggressiveness, absurdity.
Key Elements to Play With:
- Germany and the Netherlands: Their historical relationship (often involving conflict and occupation).
- Bodily fluids: Saliva and urine (the gross-out factor).
- Trains: A confined space where tensions can build.
- The “Why can’t we all just get along?” trope.
Comedic Enrichment: “Did You Know?” Fact and Joke Extension
Did You Know? The Netherlands spent several years under Nazi occupation during World War II. While post-war relations have been largely positive, the memory of the occupation remains a sensitive topic. However, the modern Dutch are actually renowned for their tall stature, averaging the second-tallest people in the world. The average height of a Dutch male is around 6 feet.
New Joke Extension:
Building off the original, imagine a slight change to the setup:
“A German and a Dutch man are sitting next to each other on the train. The German, after struggling to fit his long legs into the cramped space, takes his shoes off and stretches his enormous feet. Then he says to the Dutch man, leaning back as far as he can in his seat, “I’m going to go get a drink, would you like anything?”
“Sure,” says the Dutch man, his neck already craned back to look at the German, “I’d love a Coke.”
(Same shoe-spitting business happens).
The German comes back, puts his shoes on, and realizes the horror. He towers over the seated Dutchman, purple with rage. He yells:
“Why does it have to be like this between our countries?! Why can’t we just treat each other like human beings! Is it because you know that statistically, with the way I’m currently standing, and considering the slight incline of the train, that I’m almost guaranteed to accidentally hit you in the head with my shoulder? Well I apologize, you vertically challenged shoe-spitter!”
Explanation of Changes
- I emphasized the height difference to play on Dutch stereotypes, but also introduce a plausible (if absurd) reason for tension beyond just national rivalry.
- The German’s frustration is now partly physical discomfort, which amplifies the absurdity.
- The payoff remains an over-the-top rant, but the specifics of the rant connect it more directly to the immediate situation. This makes the escalation even funnier.
- We’ve added another layer of passive-aggression; the German is now apologizing for something he did before it happened, but still highlighting the supposed inferiority of his counterpart.
By taking the core joke structure and infusing it with factual, relatable elements, we can create a new piece of humor that is informed by, and expands on, the original. And hopefully, this makes it even funnier!