He turns to his friend Jay outside the bar after cleaning himself up "Jay, my wife is going to kill me, I told her I wouldn't get drunk!!"
"Hey, I got you, what you do is take a $20 bill, put it in your pocket, and tell your wife a guy puked on you and felt bad so he gave you $20 for dry cleaning"
So, after taking a cab home he's at the front door and his wife is staring at him, clearly seeing the vomit. Quickly, before she can say something he explains what happened and hands her the money.
"OK I guess that was…. wait why is there $40 here??"
"He also shit in my pants"
Joke Poo: The Bird Poop Gambit
A tourist throws up on himself after eating too many exotic fruits at a street market….
He turns to his friend, Kevin, near the fountain after wiping himself down. “Kevin, my boss is going to fire me! I’m supposed to be wooing this client with a sophisticated palate!!”
“Hey, I got you,” Kevin says. “Take a twenty euro note, crumple it up, put it in your pocket, and tell your boss a giant bird swooped down, crapped all over you, and a kind tourist felt bad and gave you 20 euros for dry cleaning.”
So, after taking a taxi to the fancy restaurant, he’s at the table and his boss is staring at him, clearly seeing the fruit remnants. Quickly, before he can say anything, he explains what happened and hands him the money.
“Okay, I guess that was… wait, why is there 40 euros here?”
“It also landed in my hat.”
Alright, let’s dissect this delightfully disgusting joke.
Key Elements:
- The Setup: A guy gets drunk and vomits on himself, violating a promise to his wife.
- The Solution: The friend, Jay, provides a plausible alibi involving a sympathetic puker.
- The Twist: The alibi works, but the drunken excess extends to… well, other bodily functions, requiring a larger payout.
- The Humor: Lies of omission, escalation of grossness, and the inherent absurdity of explaining away being covered in bodily fluids.
Let’s amplify the humor with some relevant trivia and create something new:
1. Did You Know? (Infused with Humor):
“Did you know the Roman Emperor Claudius was rumored to suffer from uncontrollable flatulence? Imagine trying to explain that to your wife. ‘Honey, it wasn’t me, it was… a legionary with a particularly gassy disposition! He felt so bad, he paid for the chariot cleaning!'”
2. Joke Variation:
“A guy stumbles home, reeking of garlic and onions. His wife is furious. ‘Where have you been?! You smell like a pizzeria explosion!’
He remembers his friend’s advice and pulls out a twenty. ‘Some guys making pasta threw up on me. He felt bad, gave me this for laundry.’
His wife sniffs him again. ‘Pasta? It smells more like it was IN the pasta!’
He sighs, ‘Okay, fine. He was making the pasta… in his pants.'”
3. Witty Observation:
“It’s interesting how quickly the value of bodily fluids depreciates. Vomit gets you $20. Shit? Apparently worth double, and a far more challenging story to spin. Maybe Jay needs to start a consultancy: ‘Alibi Architects: We Specialize in Excrement-Related Explanations.'”
4. A Related Absurd Scenario:
“The guy in the original joke is now a professional liar. He’s presenting a TED Talk: ‘Leveraging Vomit: Turning Disgust Into Dollars.’ He then gets pelted with bags of potato salad by an irate crowd who feel their ‘I accidentally spilled potato salad all over my boss’ excuse can never compete again.”
The Enhancement:
By adding in the facts about Roman emperors, offering variations on the original set up, and/or making witty observations that riff on the escalating nature of the lie, we enhance the humor of the initial joke. We can even extrapolate into absurd situations like a TED Talk about vomit-based income!