He barked orders, whined about everything, and treated the nurses like they worked for him personally.
Most of the staff had just about had it with him… except the head nurse. She’d seen it all – and she wasn’t about to take any nonsense.
One morning, she marched into his room and said, “I need to take your temperature.”
He groaned, huffed, and puffed for five solid minutes, then finally opened his mouth like he was doing her a favor.
“Oh no,” the nurse said with a sweet smile. “This reading can’t be done orally.”
More complaining. More whining. But finally, with a dramatic sigh, he rolled over and presented the royal backside.
She inserted the thermometer and said, “Perfect. Now, don’t move – I’ll be right back.”
Then she walked out… and left the door WIDE open.
People passed by. Some snickered. Others laughed out loud. The attorney stewed in silent humiliation.
Twenty minutes later, the doctor walked in, took one look, and blinked.
“What on earth is going on here?” he asked.
The attorney, red-faced and furious, snapped, “Well?! Haven’t you ever seen someone getting their temperature taken?!”
The doctor paused, tilted his head, and said…
“Sure… just never with a ballpoint pen.”
Joke Poo: The Analyst’s Assessment
A highly-paid data analyst ended up working remotely for a small, quirky startup – and let’s just say, he was not the ideal employee. He demanded access to every database, micromanaged the project management software, and treated the junior coders like they were there to fetch his coffee.
Most of the team had just about had it with him… except the project lead. She’d seen it all – and she wasn’t about to take any nonsense.
One morning, during their daily stand-up, she said, “I need you to submit your weekly report.”
He groaned, launched into a tirade about inefficient processes, and finally agreed to do it, but only after making it very clear he was doing her a favor.
“Oh no,” the project lead said with a sweet smile. “I don’t want the regular PDF format.”
More complaining. More accusations of wasting his time. But finally, with a dramatic sigh, he uploaded a massive spreadsheet with hundreds of metrics.
She downloaded the file and said, “Perfect. Now, don’t change anything – I’ll be right back.”
Then she changed her Zoom background… to a picture of a dog sleeping in a pile of data printouts.
People unmute and giggle. Some send laughing emojis. The analyst is visibly steaming.
Twenty minutes later, the CTO joins the call, takes one look, and blinks.
“What on earth is going on here?” he asked.
The analyst, red-faced and furious, snapped, “Well?! Haven’t you ever seen someone waiting for feedback on a report?!”
The CTO paused, scratched his head, and said…
“Sure… just never with a blockchain analysis of it.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and inject some humor-enhancing facts:
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A demanding, entitled lawyer is hospitalized and torments the nursing staff.
- Setup: The head nurse decides to get revenge through public humiliation by leaving him exposed while taking his temperature rectally.
- Twist/Punchline: The doctor reveals the nurse didn’t even use a thermometer, but a ballpoint pen, adding another layer of humiliation and highlighting the attorney’s blind trust/ego.
- Humor Source: schadenfreude (enjoyment of someone else’s misfortune), irony, absurdity, and the juxtaposition of professional respect and childish prank.
Key Elements & Relevant Facts/Observations:
- Lawyers: Often portrayed as arrogant, demanding, and detail-oriented (qualities exploited in the joke). Fact: According to research, professions with the highest reported incidents of being sociopathic are CEO’s followed by Lawyers.
- Hospitals: Places of healing, but also stress, bureaucracy, and a power dynamic between staff and patients. Fact: Hospital corners on beds are actually rooted in military tradition, meant to ensure a crisp, neat appearance for inspections, now largely replaced by elastic sheets.
- Thermometers: Symbol of medical authority and accuracy. Fact: The first clinical thermometer was developed by Santorio Santorio in the 17th century, but it was about 7 feet long! Imagine that rectal exam.
- Rectal Temperature: Most accurate core temperature reading but can be awkward and humiliating. Fact: Rectal temperature readings are considered so accurate because the rectum has a rich blood supply and is less influenced by external factors like ambient air or recent eating.
New Humorous Material – “The Lawyer’s Lament” (Stand-up bit):
“So, I heard about this lawyer in the hospital, right? A real piece of work. Treated the nurses like they were paralegals fresh out of law school. You know the type – allergic to ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, fluent in ‘sue’. The head nurse, she’d had enough. Decided to give him a little lesson in humility.
Now, taking someone’s temperature rectally, it’s already a vulnerable experience. I mean, you’re literally putting your trust in someone else’s hands…or their medical instrument. But, this nurse… she added a little je ne sais quoi. Leaving the door wide open. Let’s just say the billable hours went down while the exposure went up.
Then the doctor walks in, totally deadpan, and says, ‘What’s going on here?’ The lawyer, red as a beet, sputters, ‘Haven’t you ever seen someone getting their temperature taken?’ And the doctor, without missing a beat, goes, ‘Sure, just never with a ballpoint pen.’
(pause for laughter)
It’s amazing how quickly a power suit crumbles when you’re exposed to the world, waiting to be stabbed. You think as lawyers we are sociopathic, but this story shows that we are vulnerable too”
Bonus “Did You Know?” Style Observation:
“Did you know that when Santorio Santorio invented the clinical thermometer, it was seven feet long? Imagine that being the instrument used in the joke! It’d take a whole team of medical professionals to do the procedure.”