Apologies if rough, this is a joke in progress
A man has decided to become religious, but is unsure of what religion to choose. So, he calls up three local religious leaders and asks them each to assign a duty which worshippers of their religion must obey. He tells them that, whichever task he finds the most fulfilling at the end of the month will decide his spiritual fate.
First, the local priest told the man about lent, including its importance and meaning. The priest then instructed him to abstain from red meat. After a week, the man grows tired of fish and chicken, so he gives the priest a call. To his delight, the priest tells him that, now that the week is up, he is free to go back to eating as much pork, beef, and lamb as he’d like.
Next, the local imam explained the core tenants of Islam, and gave the man his duty. Yet, the man felt this challenge much harder— you see, the imam instructed him to fast. As the sun set on the first day, the man felt himself weak and tired. He called the imam whom, to his delight, said that he is free to feast on whatever (halal) cuisine his heart desired until sunrise, upon which he must begin fasting until sunset once again. Though at times troublesome, the man completed his crash-course week of fasting without too much trouble.
Finally, the rabbi instructed him on his final duty. The man found himself struggling with this one the most by far. Indeed, he was ready for his trials to be over after only 15 minutes. In desperation, he calls the rabbi and pleads,
”Alright, I did it. Now, when do I get my foreskin back?”
Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” version, titled “The Intern’s Assignment”:
The Intern’s Assignment
A recent college graduate, eager to prove himself, lands a summer internship at a prestigious tech firm. He’s determined to impress his boss, a notoriously demanding VP. So, he asks the VP for three challenging tasks, promising to dedicate himself to whichever one he finds most impactful at the end of the month. His boss agrees, seeing an opportunity to offload some tedious responsibilities.
First, the VP tasks him with optimizing the company’s printer usage. The intern spends a week meticulously analyzing printing habits, toner consumption, and paper waste. After just two days, the intern is already going insane because he keeps getting blamed when they run out of paper. He calls the VP. To his relief, the VP informs him that his assessment is sufficient, and he’s free to print reports and documents as needed for his other tasks.
Next, the VP assigns him to improve the company’s cybersecurity posture. The intern is horrified as he struggles to navigate the maze of passwords, protocols, and potential threats. He must change the passwords every 12 hours. He can’t believe how dumb some people are, so he calls the VP when he forgets his. The VP informs him that he is free to stop his work now and that he is only to use other’s passwords when they go to lunch.
Finally, the VP gives him his last duty: cleaning the office bathrooms. The intern finds this trial the most revolting by far. After only 15 minutes, he is ready for the month to be over. In desperation, he calls the VP and pleads,
“Alright, I did it. Now, when do I get my dignity back?”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then add some comedic fertilizer.
Analysis of the Joke:
- Premise: A man is trying to “religion shop” by test-driving religious practices.
- Setup: He asks a priest, an imam, and a rabbi for a duty to perform for a week.
- Catholic Priest (Lent): Abstaining from red meat, a relatively minor inconvenience for a short period. The joke highlights the “loophole” of only needing to abstain for a week.
- Imam (Ramadan): Fasting from sunrise to sunset. A more significant challenge than the red meat ban, but with the reward of nightly feasting.
- Rabbi (Circumcision): The punchline. It subverts expectations and is immediately shocking. The punchline operates on the assumption that circumcision is a permanent act, not a temporary task.
- Humor Source: The humor comes from the absurdity of treating deeply religious practices like a trial offer, the unexpected and permanent nature of circumcision compared to the temporary sacrifices of Lent and Ramadan, and the man’s naive (or perhaps darkly humorous) misunderstanding. It also plays on stereotypes (somewhat gently) of each religion.
Key Elements to Work With:
- Religion as a “product” to be consumed.
- The contrast between temporary sacrifices and a permanent alteration.
- The unexpected nature of circumcision.
- The different practices of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
Now, let’s enrich the humor:
Option 1: Witty Observation (playing on the “religion as a product” angle):
“Religion is like a subscription box. You get the first month free, but then you’re locked into a lifetime commitment. And in some cases, the ‘free gift’ is a bit more permanent than you expected.”
Option 2: A “Did You Know?” enhanced with a joke:
Did you know: While the exact origin of circumcision is debated, some scholars believe it may have initially been a tribal or religious marker, symbolizing membership in a group.
So, next time you’re trying out a new religion, remember: membership has its cuts.”
Option 3: Alternative Punchline (Slightly Darker):
Finally, the rabbi instructed him on his final duty. The man found himself struggling with this one the most by far. Indeed, he was ready for his trials to be over after only 15 minutes. In desperation, he calls the rabbi and pleads,
”Alright, I did it. How long until it grows back? I need to know if I’ll need to take a week off sex or a lifetime.”
Option 4: Expanding on the Rabbi’s Explanation (Adding a bit of Jewish humor):
Finally, the rabbi instructed him on his final duty. The rabbi explained that circumcision, or bris milah, is a sacred covenant between God and the Jewish people, a symbol of faith and commitment.
The man was silent for a long time. “So, like a membership card that… well… really sticks?” he finally asked. The rabbi sighed. “Something like that. Though there aren’t many religions that give you a piece of God on the first day.”
The man then calls the Rabbi 15 minutes later and says “I guess this means I can’t return it if I find a better offer, right?”
Why these work:
- Observation: This adds an insightful observation by using subscription boxes to modernize the joke and comment on religious commitment.
- Did You Know? This format offers factual information related to the core subject of the joke, then twists it for comedic effect. By adding the “cuts” punchline, we are adding additional humor and connecting it to the original joke.
- Alternative Punchline: This adds a more pragmatic view of the experience and offers an alternative line.
- Jewish Humor: This option injects a bit of self-deprecating Jewish humor by having the Rabbi explain and the man make a crude connection.
Ultimately, the best addition depends on the desired tone and audience. The key is to leverage the core comedic elements of the original joke and amplify them with relevant, humorous insights.