The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The man said, "Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!" The priest said, "Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You'll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box!"
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Yes, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Rub
A user called tech support and told the representative, “I almost got my new hard drive to work.”
The rep said, “What do you mean, almost?” The user said, “Well, I connected all the cables, installed the drivers, and the computer recognized it, but then I stopped! I didn’t actually copy any files onto it!” The rep said, “Connecting all the components and having the computer recognize it is like being fully functional! You’ll only mess things up if you start actually using it. For your penance, run a defrag on your old drive and buy me a coffee using company funds!”
The user ended the call, ran the defrag, and then went to the office supply closet. He paused for a moment, then began to leave without taking anything.
The rep, who had remote access to the office security cameras, messaged him: “I saw that. You didn’t take anything from the closet!”
The user replied, “Yes, but I rubbed my empty coffee cup on the stapler, and according to you, that’s the same thing as actually getting coffee!”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke!
Key Elements:
- Confession: A religious ritual of admitting sins.
- Near-Adultery: The almost-but-not-quite act of infidelity.
- Priest’s Authority: The priest’s power to assign penance.
- Literal Interpretation: The man’s mischievous, overly literal interpretation of the priest’s words.
- Money/Poor Box: The implied transactional relationship between sin, penance, and charity.
Humor Mechanics:
- Irony: The priest’s attempt to enforce religious rules is turned against him.
- Absurdity: The “rubbing” logic is inherently absurd and highlights the silliness of overly strict interpretations.
- Subversion: The man finds a loophole to avoid actually paying.
- Character Contrast: The priest’s serious demeanor contrasts with the man’s playful (and sinful) trickery.
Comedic Enrichment – New Joke/Observation:
Premise: Focus on the economics of confession, playing off the “poor box” element.
Joke:
A devout parishioner, notorious for his tightfistedness, was in confession. After rattling off a laundry list of sins, the priest assigned him a hefty penance: “$500 to the poor box.”
The man gasped, “Father, that’s more than I make in a week! Can’t I just… write a check?”
The priest raised an eyebrow. “My son, you’re confessing sins, not declaring assets. Cash only. God doesn’t accept IOUs.”
The man muttered, “Well, that’s convenient for Him. Makes me wonder who’s really running this ‘poor box’ operation.”
Why it Works:
- Continues the financial angle: Builds on the original joke’s focus on money and the poor box.
- Playful Cynicism: The parishioner’s complaint introduces a cynical, slightly skeptical view of the church’s finances.
- Irony of Faith: The parishioner seems more concerned about his budget than his sins, a humorous juxtaposition of piety and practicality.
- Topicality: Touches on the (often joked about) financial aspects and transparency of religious institutions.
Did You Know?
The concept of a “poor box” or similar charitable receptacle has existed in religious institutions for centuries. In some cultures, these boxes were not just for money, but also for anonymous donations of food or goods. The original intent was to provide a discreet way for both the wealthy to give and the poor to receive assistance without shame. Nowadays, you can “rub” a credit card against a digital collection device if you prefer not to carry cash. That way, you could get away with more!