The Pope is aghast. "I can't just go changing God's word for money!"
The man says, "Fifty million! Now, think of all the good the church could do with all that money, Your Holiness!"
The Pope in unimpressed. "I already told you. I just can't do it. I'm sorry."
So the guy says, "Okay, final offer – $100 million. Take it or leave it."
The next day, the Pope calls all the leaders of the church together and says, "Gentlemen, I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is we've raised $100 million for Catholic Charities."
The room erupts in cheers!
The Pope waits for the room to settle down, and then says, "And now for the bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."
Joke Poo: The Toilet Paper Crisis
A frantic CEO from a major toilet paper company bursts into a meeting with the head of the EPA.
“Director, we’ll offer you $50 million if you’ll just slightly adjust your environmental regulations. Allow us to harvest ‘premium softness’ wood from the ancient redwood forests!”
The EPA Director is appalled. “I can’t just compromise environmental integrity for money! These trees are hundreds of years old!”
The CEO pleads, “One hundred million! Think of the comfort, the luxury! The nation deserves premium softness!”
The Director stands firm. “Absolutely not. My conscience wouldn’t allow it.”
The CEO sighs, defeated. “Fine. Two hundred million. But this is my final offer. Take it or leave it.”
The next day, the EPA Director calls a staff meeting. “Team, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we’ve secured $200 million in funding for renewable forest initiatives!”
The room erupts in cheers!
The Director raises a hand. “And now for the bad news: We lost the Charmin account.”
Okay, let’s break down this poultry-based parable:
Elements of the Joke:
- Juxtaposition: The core humor comes from contrasting the sacred (Lord’s Prayer, Pope, Catholic Charities) with the mundane and commercial (KFC, fast food, advertising).
- Greed/Temptation: The escalating offer represents the temptation of wealth. The Pope’s eventual acceptance implies a surrender to that temptation, albeit framed in a charitable light.
- Corporate Power/Influence: Highlights the potential influence of large corporations, even over institutions held in high regard.
- Wonder Bread Punchline: This is the perfect zinger. It’s unexpected and grounds the whole situation in a very specific, relatable (and slightly absurd) consumer reality. It also subtly suggests that the real loser in all this is the bread company.
- Irony: Pope’s choice to value a large, single-time donation over a long-term relationship, or a brand that’s historically and culturally been associated with the religion.
Interesting Tidbits & Factual Connections:
- The Lord’s Prayer: A foundational prayer in Christianity, variations exist across denominations. It is a direct quote from the gospels of Matthew and Luke.
- KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken): Founded by Colonel Harland Sanders, KFC is a global fast-food giant. Its branding, from the iconic bucket to the “finger lickin’ good” slogan, has been a constant fixture in advertising history.
- Wonder Bread: Introduced in 1921, Wonder Bread became synonymous with sliced bread and a certain idealized vision of American family life. Its iconic balloon logo speaks to fun and childhood.
- Papal Finances: The Vatican’s financial dealings have a long and sometimes controversial history. Catholic Charities is a major organization, but they are not directly affiliated or influenced by the Vatican.
New Humor/Observation:
Joke Enrichment:
Why did Wonder Bread cross the road?
To get away from the Pope after the KFC deal! He heard they were thinking about changing their slogan to “Give us this day our daily chicken…and plenty of gluten-free options.” Plus, he knows a guy who can hook them up with the Pillsbury Doughboy; it’s a brand synergy just waiting to happen.
Amusing ‘Did You Know’:
Did you know that if the Pope actually did replace “bread” with “chicken” in the Lord’s Prayer, KFC stock would probably skyrocket? It’s basic brand visibility! Though, perhaps less beneficial for Wonder Bread shareholders. I hear they’ve been hoarding loaves as a hedge against the chicken-pocalypse.