This guy, drunk off his ass on Blue Moon beer, accidentally confesses that he is a pervert who likes to cum in other people's food without them knowing. He says he does it all the time.
The bartender must've heard worse because he seems absolutely unfazed, continuing to chat with the man as if he'd been talking about the weather.
Pretty soon, the man stands and says he's going to the bathroom, and will be right back. He's gone for a couple of minutes and when he returns, he takes a nice, deep swig of his beer.
Now, absolutely wasted, he asks the bartender, "So, do you ever jizz in anyone's food?"
And the bartender shrugs and says, "Oh, maybe once in a Blue Moon."
Joke Poo: The Accountant’s Audit
An auditor is meeting with a gruff CEO in his opulent office, deep in the throes of a particularly intense financial review. The subject of expense reports comes up.
This auditor, stressed out from weeks of forensic accounting, accidentally blurts out that he’s been fudging his own expenses for years, claiming elaborate dinners and phantom travel to inflate his reimbursement checks. He admits he does it constantly.
The CEO, hardened by decades of cutthroat business dealings, seems completely unfazed, continuing the audit as if the auditor had just mentioned the current interest rate.
Soon, the auditor excuses himself to use the restroom, returning a few minutes later looking slightly less frazzled. He takes a large gulp of his complimentary mineral water.
Now, emboldened by desperation and a sliver of hope, he asks the CEO, "So, do you ever… exaggerate on your expense reports?"
The CEO leans back in his leather chair, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Oh, only… periodically."
Alright, let’s break down this delightfully depraved dad-joke:
Core Elements:
- Confession & Normalization: The drunk confesses a disturbing habit. The bartender’s blasé reaction heightens the shock value by suggesting this is commonplace.
- Setup & Payoff: The drunk’s confession sets up the bartender’s punchline, "Once in a Blue Moon."
- Pun/Double Entendre: "Blue Moon" refers both to the beer the drunk is drinking and the rarity of the bartender’s behavior.
- Irony: The drunk is horrified the bartender has done the same act he committed.
Analysis:
The joke relies on the unexpected juxtaposition of something disgusting (food tampering with bodily fluids) and something seemingly innocuous (chatting at a bar, drinking a beer). The humor comes from the unexpected nonchalance of the bartender and the shocking pun. The Drunk is upset that someone has done the same act he committed.
Comedic Enrichment – Option 1: The "Did You Know?"
Joke: Why are Blue Moons so popular in bars?
Punchline: Bartenders have to put something extra special in them to get rid of the taste.
Did You Know: While the joke plays on "Blue Moon" referring to something rare, a real "Blue Moon" in astronomical terms has two definitions! One is the traditional definition: the third full moon in a season that has four full moons. The other, more modern definition, is the second full moon within the same calendar month. So, ironically, "once in a Blue Moon" isn’t really that rare these days – at least once or twice a year, some calendar month has two full moons. Kind of like…certain behaviors in bars, apparently.
Comedic Enrichment – Option 2: A Related Observation
The real joke isn’t that the bartender did it once, it’s that he admitted to it without blinking an eye. Consider: We’re so desensitized to bodily functions in jokes, but we still recoil at the idea of someone tampering with our food! It says a lot about modern standards that people are so comfortable talking about such issues, but not admitting to criminal offences.
Comedic Enrichment – Option 3: A "What If" Scenario
What if the bartender wasn’t unfazed?
New Setup: A man is at a bar, chatting with the bartender, when the topic of sex comes up. This guy, drunk on Blue Moon beer, accidentally confesses that he’s a pervert who likes to, shall we say, flavor other people’s food without their knowledge.
New Response: The bartender’s eyes widen in horror. He grabs a bottle of sanitiser and starts spraying everything within a five-foot radius. "That’s disgusting! You need help! And I need hazard pay! And maybe a new job! Are you going to continue drinking that Blue Moon?!"
Drunk (stumbling backward): "Hey, don’t judge my taste! I would never add…that to my own beer.