A man is driving in the early morning hours when he sees a hitchhiker at the side of the road, standing next to a suitcase, holding a bottle of rum.
The driver stops his car and rolls down the window, and asks "Hey buddy, do you need a lift?"
The hitchhiker limps to the car, his eyes are red with tears.
He says "Oh my god, thank you so much. I've had the worst week of my life. I went to South America on a safari for my friend's bachelor party. One night we we're camping in the jungle, sitting around a fire drinking the local rum. And this rum is incredibly strong, so after 3 or 4 shots we're all completely hammered.
All of a sudden, a female monkey comes and sits right next to us. And my friends dare me to give her the rum, and I'm pretty drunk so I do.
The monkey takes a swig of the rum and puts her hand down my trousers and starts jerking me off. Then she takes another swig of rum and starts blowing me! Then she takes another swig of rum and climbs on top of me, and starts riding me reverse cowgirl. My friends all find this hilarious and start taking photos and videos and cheering me on. And I'm pretty drunk so I end up having sex with the monkey in a bunch of different positions. Me on top of the monkey, the monkey on top of me, side by side, wheelbarrow. At one point we were 69ing, and I came harder than I've ever cum before. I was so exhausted I passed out.
The next morning I wake up and find my penis is covered in massive green warts, and when I try to pop them, bright orange liquid comes out. I freaked out and took an early flight back home. But the smell from my penis is so bad that no taxi driver wants to take me. So I tried walking up the highway but my penis hurts too much to walk."
The hitchhiker stops talking to adjust his trousers, his eyes welling with tears. The driver says "Thats terrible, you're obviously in pain. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"
The hitchhiker says "Actually I still have some rum left. Can you drop me off at the zoo?"
Joke Poo: The Programmer’s Problem
A programmer is driving home late at night when he sees a figure slumped on the side of the road, next to a discarded server rack, clutching a half-empty can of energy drink.
The programmer stops his car and rolls down the window, asking "Hey, you alright, man? Need a lift?"
The figure, looking haggard and sleep-deprived, stumbles to the car, eyes bloodshot.
He says, "Oh god, thank you so much. I’ve had the worst week imaginable. I was leading a team on a critical software release. We were trying to push it live before the long weekend. One night, we’re debugging a memory leak, fuelled by caffeine and desperation. And this caffeine is incredibly strong, so after 3 or 4 cans we’re all completely wired."
"All of a sudden, our automated testing system flags a critical bug. And my team dares me to go into production and hotfix the code, and I’m pretty caffeinated so I do. "
"The script takes the code, and pushes it into the build, then deploys it. My friends all find this hilarious and start taking screenshots and laughing. And I’m pretty caffeinated so I end up modifying a critical line of code. Me in prod, the code in prod, back and forth, redeploying. At one point we were in a deadlock, and I made the worst update ever. I was so exhausted I passed out."
"The next morning I wake up and find the entire system is running in circles, doing calculations and generating errors, and when I try to stop it, the program restarts. I freaked out and took an early flight back home. But the errors logs and page requests are so bad that no one will give me a job. So I tried walking up the highway but my feet are too tired to walk."
The figure stops talking to rub his eyes, his voice cracking. The programmer says, "That’s terrible, you’re obviously in a state. Do you want me to take you to a therapist?"
The figure says, "Actually I still have some energy drink left. Can you drop me off at the data center?"
Alright, let’s dissect this… ahem… fascinating joke.
Core Elements:
- The Setup: A down-on-his-luck hitchhiker with rum. Immediate implication: something bizarre has happened.
- The Absurd Story: Details a drunken encounter with a monkey involving, shall we say, unconventional activities. Escalation is key here. It goes from "giving the monkey rum" to "reverse cowgirl".
- The Punchline: After that trauma, the hitchhiker’s first thought is to go back to the zoo. It’s a reversal of expectation (hospital, doctor, therapist are implied expectations) and an escalation of the initial bizarre premise.
Humor Analysis:
The humor relies on:
- Gross-out/Shock value: The explicit sexual content and the graphic description of the… affliction.
- Absurdity: The escalating ridiculousness of the encounter, the monkey’s multi-faceted participation, and the punchline’s blatant disregard for his medical condition.
- Character Motivation: The hitchhiker’s bizarrely consistent desire to re-engage with the situation, even after the very evident negative consequences.
Enrichment/Extension Time!
Let’s lean into the ‘monkey’ element and the punchline. Here’s an amusing "Did You Know?" style take based on the joke:
Original Joke Theme: Animal Encounters
Extension:
Did you know: Researchers have discovered that monkeys, while naturally cautious of alcohol, often demonstrate a distinct preference for certain types of fruit that have naturally fermented to contain high alcohol content, especially if they feel they’re missing out on the bachelors party! However, contrary to popular belief, monkeys are not known to specifically request taxi drop-offs at zoos. The hitchhiker in the joke in this case is the first reported person to express such a desire, though his reasoning is, understandably, questionable and unlikely to be duplicated in the future as his health deteriorates. Please seek medical attention if you have sex with a monkey, or are a monkey engaging in sexual behavior of any kind.