A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and said "One box of large condoms to register 10."
The next man in line thought this was interesting and, like most of us, up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the store intercom and said, "One box of medium sized condoms to register 10."
A few customers back was this teen-aged boy. He thought what he had witnessed was way too kewl. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got up to the register, he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size, and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said, "Clean up at register 10!"
Joke Poo: The Talent Show
A nervous contestant is backstage at a prestigious talent show. As he’s about to go on, he realizes he forgot his lucky hat. He frantically asks the stage manager if someone could fetch it.
“What kind of hat is it?” the stage manager asks.
The contestant stammers, “I… I don’t know the exact size! It’s… it’s important though!”
The stage manager sighs, tells him to drop his pants. Confused, the contestant hesitates, but eventually complies. The stage manager takes a good look, grabs the microphone, and announces to the audience, “We need a top hat, size… ostrich egg, for Act Seven!”
The next contestant, a mime, is intrigued. He too has forgotten his crucial prop – a tiny, custom-made beret. He figures, hey, if it worked for the last guy…
When his turn comes, he repeats the request. The stage manager rolls his eyes, but demands he drop his pants. After a quick assessment, the manager grabs the mic and calls out, “Medium beret for Act Eight!”
Finally, a young magician, practically trembling, is up next. He’s forgotten the most essential tool for his grand finale: a thimble! He’s never even kissed a girl, let alone… well, you get the picture. He whispers his request to the stage manager.
The manager, completely exasperated, orders him to drop his trousers. He gives it a cursory glance, grabs the microphone, and yells, “Security to backstage, we have a potential fire hazard at Act Nine!”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then create some comedic offshoots.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A man forgets condoms at the grocery store and asks the cashier for help. The cashier takes an unconventional (and sexually suggestive) approach to determine the correct size.
- Setup: The joke relies on the unexpected behavior of the cashier. It builds anticipation as each customer expresses the same need.
- Punchline: The punchline varies for each customer.
- First Man: Large Condoms
- Second Man: Medium Condoms
- Teenage Boy: Clean up at register 10 (Implying he’s too small, so its humorous that he is immature)
- Humor Type: This is primarily situational humor and relies on awkwardness, shock value, and a bit of suggestive content. It also uses the element of surprise and escalates with each repetition.
Key Elements for Re-imagining:
- Grocery Store Setting: Common, relatable experience.
- Condoms as the Object: Inherently carries comedic potential due to its sensitive nature.
- Unconventional Measuring Technique: Absurd and unexpected.
- Intercom Announcement: Public announcement amplifies the awkwardness and humiliation.
- Size as the Humor Vehicle: Condom size becomes the punchline, highlighting masculinity/insecurity.
Now, let’s create some comedic enrichments:
1. A Witty Observation:
“You know you’ve reached peak absurdity when your local grocery store replaces their produce scales with a ‘personal sizing station’ in the condom aisle. I guess they finally realized avocados aren’t the only thing people are concerned about the size of.”
2. A ‘Did You Know?’ Parody:
“Did you know that the average penis size is allegedly between 5.1 and 5.5 inches when erect? More importantly, did you know that the average grocery store cashier is highly unqualified to make that determination with a single grab?”
3. An Alternate Punchline Joke Variation:
A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and said “Price Check on Aisle 5!”
4. A “Worst Case Scenario” Joke:
A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She then took out a pair of calipers and a notepad. “Okay,” she says, “circumference here…length there…girth ratio…hang on, let me get my slide rule.” The man sighs, “You know what? I’ll just grab a pack myself. And I’ll never shop here again!”
Explanation of the Choices:
- Observation: Plays on the relatability of grocery shopping and the anxiety surrounding body image.
- ‘Did You Know?’ Parody: Takes a common format (the factual “Did you know?”) and twists it with the original joke’s premise to create humor.
- The Alternate Punchline Changes the ending by having the cashier ask for a price check instead of the size condom, resulting in a humorous moment.
- Worst Case Scenario Intensifies the awkwardness and extends the evaluation process to be more absurd, creating humor.
These comedic enrichments aim to build upon the original joke’s elements in unexpected and amusing ways. They hopefully tickle the funny bone, while also acknowledging the awkwardness inherent in the joke’s premise.