A man is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely. The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft: pink flesh, round buttocks. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Every time. Very frustrating.
One day the man sees a speck approaching the island, so he swims out and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. She is phenomenally beautiful.
Finally she is restored to health and she says to him, "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you. Anything. Just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Joke Poo: The Galactic Janitor
A lone janitor is stationed on a desolate space station orbiting a distant gas giant. He has all the cleaning supplies he needs, and the station’s life support is functional, but after a few months, the isolation gets to him. The industrial-grade floor buffer, with its smooth, gleaming surface and rhythmic hum, starts to look increasingly appealing. But every time the janitor even glances at the buffer with amorous intent, the station’s temperamental AI, a sassy program named HAL-9002, activates the laser grid in the corridor, nearly incinerating him. Very frustrating.
One day, a distress beacon sounds! A sleek, escape pod docks, and out stumbles a gorgeous alien dignitary, barely clinging to life. The janitor drags her to the infirmary, activates the ancient medical droid, and slowly nurses her back to health with nutrient paste and recycled oxygen. She’s dazzling, even with three antennae and iridescent scales.
Finally, she’s revived and says, in perfect Galactic Standard, “Thank you, thank you for saving my life! I am eternally in your debt. I shall grant you any request within my power. Anything. Just name it.”
The janitor scratches his head for a moment, then says, “Could you maybe distract HAL-9002 for like, ten minutes? I’ve got some serious polishing to do.”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then cook up some comedic enhancements.
Joke Analysis:
- Setup: A man stranded on an island with a Doberman and a pig. This establishes isolation and limited companionship.
- Rising Tension: The man’s loneliness leads to attraction toward the pig, but the Doberman prevents him from acting on it. This is a key element of frustration and sets up the punchline.
- Twist/Punchline: The beautiful woman offers anything in return for saving her life. Instead of requesting a romantic or sexual favor, the man asks her to walk the dog, implying his sole frustration is the Doberman’s interference with the pig.
- Humor: The humor comes from the unexpected priority. The audience expects a request aligned with the man’s isolation and the woman’s beauty, but he values circumventing the dog’s interference more. It’s a subversion of expectations and highlights the man’s unusual obsession.
Key Elements:
- Stranded Isolation: Being alone changes perspective.
- Unconventional Attraction: Lust for the pig is the absurdity.
- Dog Interference: The Doberman acts as a comedic cock-block.
- Subverted Expectations: The punchline’s misdirection is the source of the humor.
Comedic Enrichment:
Here are a few ways we can build on this:
1. “Did you know?” Observation:
“Did you know that pigs are surprisingly intelligent animals? Studies have shown they can solve complex puzzles, recognize their own reflections, and even play video games. Which makes the islander’s situation even more ethically dubious…and maybe explains why the Doberman was so protective. He probably suspected the pig was running some kind of long con to get off the island.”
2. Alternative Punchline with Factual Twist:
Replace the original punchline with:
“The guy thinks for a minute and says, ‘Do you happen to know any qualified veterinary surgeons?’
Confused, she asks ‘Why on Earth would you need that here?’
‘Well,’ he replies, ‘I’ve read that porcine heart valves are now widely used in human transplants. I’ve been trying to get close to that pig for months and I really need to know if it’s a tissue match.'”
(Note: Porcine heart valves are used in human transplants, making this a dark, but plausible, extension of the joke.)
3. Short Witty Observation:
“The real tragedy isn’t that the man was stranded with a pig and a dog, but that he hadn’t properly trained the Doberman. A well-trained Doberman would have acted as a wingman, not a roadblock. Imagine the possibilities if he’d taught the dog to gently nudge the pig closer or bring him mood lighting!”
4. A New Joke based on the same premise:
A genie appears before the man on the island. “I will grant you one wish,” booms the genie. “But be warned: Whatever you wish for, the pig will get double.”
The man thinks for a moment, a mischievous glint in his eye. He glances at the Doberman, then back at the pig. “I wish for…a mild heart attack.”
Explanation of choices:
- The “Did you know?” adds a layer of ironic awareness, making the situation even more absurd.
- The Alternative Punchline uses a factual connection (pig heart valves) to take the joke in a darker, more unexpected direction.
- The Short Witty Observation plays on the training of dogs for comedic effect.
- The New Joke flips the premise of the punchline.
I’ve tried to enhance the original joke by playing with the unexpected nature of the scenario, adding factual elements for dark humor, and twisting the premise.