Intrigued, he went inside and asked about the bird.
"This vulture has incredible powers," the salesman explained. "Take it shopping anywhere, and you'll immediately get 90% off everything!"
"Amazing! How much does this magic vulture cost?"
"One million dollars."
The man hesitated, but the salesman convinced him it would pay for itself. As the man counted out a million dollars in cash, the salesman added one crucial warning: "This bird must be fed premium steak every single day, or it will die."
Eager to test his investment, the man immediately went grocery shopping. Sure enough, when the cashier saw the vulture, he got 90% off his entire purchase! Thrilled, the man spent the day shopping at store after store, saving thousands. He celebrated his good fortune late into the night.
The next morning, nursing a terrible hangover, the man suddenly remembered the feeding requirement. He rushed to check on the vulture, but it was too late. The bird lay dead in its cage.
Panicking about his million-dollar loss, the man decided to see if the vulture still worked even if it was dead. He returned to one of the stores from yesterday and asked for 90% off.
The cashier shook her head sympathetically. "Sorry sir, but this item is full price. Your discount vulture has expired."
Joke Poo: The Discount Demon
A struggling entrepreneur stumbled upon a peculiar ad online: “Discount Demon for Rent – Guarantees 75% Off Any Business Expense!”
Intrigued, he clicked through and contacted the demon’s representative, a slick-haired imp in a surprisingly sharp suit.
“This isn’t just any demon,” the imp explained, adjusting his tie. “Rent him, and you’ll get a solid 75% discount on anything business-related. Office supplies, marketing, even your rent!”
“That’s incredible! What’s the catch?”
“Well,” the imp said, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “it’s… expensive. We’re talking a non-refundable $500,000 upfront rental fee. And, crucially, you must fulfill its quota of souls. One tiny, insignificant soul per month. Paperclips, the intern… you get the idea.”
The entrepreneur, desperate to save his failing company, hesitated, but the imp painted a picture of massive profits and financial security. He bit the bullet, transferred the half-million, and signed a soul-binding contract written in surprisingly clear legalese.
Eager to test his investment, the entrepreneur immediately went to his landlord and presented the demon. Instantly, the landlord agreed to a 75% rent reduction! Thrilled, the entrepreneur spent the day slashing costs and celebrating his good fortune.
The next day, staring at his company’s balance sheet and the looming soul quota, the entrepreneur felt a chill. He hated the whole soul thing. He agonized over the ethical implications. He spent the entire day wrestling with his conscience, unable to choose a candidate.
The following morning, the imp was at his office, tapping his foot impatiently. “Where’s the soul?” he demanded, eyes glowing faintly red. “You are 48 hours overdue.”
Panicked, the entrepreneur pleaded, “I can’t decide! I can’t choose who to doom! Is there anything else I can offer?”
The imp sneered. “Fine. I suppose I am somewhat flexible. But whatever you sacrifice to appease my master, it must be the full value of the agreed monthly payment in souls…”
The entrepreneur wiped his brow in relief. “So, 1/4 of a soul?”
The imp’s eyes flashed “Actually, due to the overdue penalty and current soul market conditions…” He smiled slyly. “…It would have to be 75% of your company’s total value.”
Alright, let’s dissect this vulture of a joke!
Key Elements:
- The Premise: A magic vulture grants 90% discounts.
- The Setup: A man buys the vulture for an exorbitant price, based on the promise of future savings.
- The Catch: The vulture needs expensive premium steak daily, and it dies due to the man’s forgetfulness.
- The Punchline: The “discount vulture has expired,” playing on both the bird’s death and the end of the promised benefit. The cashier’s phrasing is key; it’s businesslike and unsentimental, adding to the comedic effect.
- Irony: The man invests a fortune to save money, ultimately losing even more.
Factual & Interesting Tidbits to Leverage:
- Vultures and Food: Vultures are actually remarkably resistant to food poisoning. They can eat rotting carcasses that would kill most other animals. Their stomach acid is incredibly corrosive and neutralizes many toxins.
- Premium Steak: “Premium steak” is subjective. It could be anything from a fancy cut to just the most expensive meat in the store. The term itself is a marketing tactic.
- “Expired” Products: The term “expired” is commonplace in retail, often relating to food, coupons, or even promotions. This familiarity is what makes the cashier’s line so funny.
New Humor Creation:
Option 1: A New Joke (playing on the vulture’s actual eating habits):
A man walks into a pet shop looking forlorn.
“What’s wrong?” asks the owner.
“I bought your magic discount vulture! It worked wonders for the first day, 90% off everywhere!”
“Ah, the legendary Discount Vulture! Magnificent creature. Did you follow the feeding instructions?”
“Of course! I gave it premium steak, just like you said!”
“And…?”
“It spat it out! Now it’s demanding week-old roadkill! Where am I supposed to get that with a hangover?”
Option 2: Witty Observation:
The magic vulture joke is a modern fable: proof that even a 90% discount can’t outweigh the cost of poor planning and a neglectful lifestyle. It’s the comedic embodiment of “penny wise, pound foolish,” only with a million-dollar price tag and a feathery corpse.
Option 3: Amusing “Did You Know?”:
Did you know that if you bought the “Discount Vulture” in real life, you probably wouldn’t need to feed it premium steak? Most vultures have immune systems that can handle pretty much anything, including that questionable “mystery meat” you found in the back of your freezer. You would still have to explain the dead animal to your neighbors though. And find a store that gives a 90% discount for any reason. Good luck with that.
I think Option 1 is the most humorous of the three. It highlights the absurdity of forcing the vulture to eat something it wouldn’t normally consume, while making it relatable to the first joke.