He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?’
Cabbie: 'Frank Jones… He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank every single time.'
Passenger : 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, could do everything right.'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank.
Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?
Cabbie: ‘I never met him. He died and I married his widow.’
Joke Poo: The Perfect Pup
A woman walks into a dog park and immediately sees a perfectly groomed poodle leaping to catch a frisbee with unparalleled grace.
“Wow,” she says to the poodle’s owner, a man sitting on a bench reading a book. “That dog is incredible! His timing is impeccable. He’s just like Bartholomew.”
The man looks up, a little annoyed. “Who?”
“Bartholomew Finchley the Third! He was the most extraordinary canine companion anyone could imagine. Like your poodle catching that frisbee, everything just happened for Bartholomew.”
The man sighs. “There’s got to be a bad habit or two.”
“Not Bartholomew! He was a canine athlete. He could have competed at Crufts. He could fetch farther than any golden retriever. He even knew how to use the toilet.”
The man raises an eyebrow. “Sounds like a prize winner.”
“There’s more! He had a nose like a truffle pig. He could find the best dog treats buried anywhere in the park. He knew all the breeds, which hydrants to mark, and which squirrels to chase. He could even do your taxes. Not like my old mutt, Sparky. He barks at mailmen and rolls in dead things! But Bartholomew, he did everything right.”
“Incredible,” the man says, clearly skeptical.
“He always knew the quickest route through the park, avoiding those pesky toddlers and their strollers. Not like Sparky, who always ends up tangled in leashes! But Bartholomew, he never made a mistake. And he knew exactly how to comfort you when you were down, always offering a silent, furry hug. He was the perfect dog! He never shed, never chewed furniture… No one could ever measure up to Bartholomew.”
The man shakes his head. “An amazing animal. So, how did you meet him?”
The man sighs again, closes his book, and says, “I didn’t. He was a figment of my ex-wife’s imagination during our marriage, which is why I named this dog Bartholomew.”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then concoct some comedic enrichment!
Joke Analysis:
- Setup: A man gets into a taxi and the cabbie immediately compares him to a seemingly perfect individual named Frank.
- Build-up: The cabbie relentlessly describes Frank’s exaggerated, almost superhuman abilities and virtues.
- Punchline: The cabbie reveals he never met Frank; he married his widow, implying the cabbie’s idealized image of Frank contrasts sharply with the reality of living with him (or, at least, the widow’s perception of him).
- Humor Source: The humor arises from the contrast between the unrealistically perfect description of Frank and the implication that he was, in reality, perhaps unbearable. It also plays on the common trope of idealizing the deceased and the inherent frustrations of married life (or the perception of a spouse).
Key Elements:
- Frank: The idealized, unattainable standard.
- Cabbie: The seemingly awestruck, perhaps resentful, observer.
- Exaggeration: The escalating list of Frank’s talents becomes increasingly absurd.
- Marriage/Widow: The relationship to Frank as the source of insight/perspective.
Comedic Enrichment:
Option 1: New “Did You Know?”
“Did you know that the ‘halo effect’ (where a positive impression in one area influences perception in other areas) might explain the cabbie’s view of Frank? If Frank was a good tennis player, the cabbie might have assumed his knowledge of fine dining was equally impressive, even if Frank once served ketchup with caviar. It’s like how people think Albert Einstein was a terrible student based on a misattributed quote – it ruins the image even if it’s not true! So maybe Frank was just really, really good at one thing, and his widow was just happy he was gone.”
Option 2: Short Joke Variation
A genie appears to a man and grants him one wish: “I want to be perfect, like my wife always talks about her ex-husband, Bob.”
The genie snaps his fingers. “Done!”
The man wakes up the next morning…and finds he’s suddenly allergic to gluten, can only sleep on one side, and leaves the toilet seat up without fail.
Option 3: Witty Observation
“It’s funny how everyone becomes a saint after they die. Suddenly, the guy who left dirty socks all over the house is remembered as a pillar of cleanliness. It’s like we collectively decide to rewrite history to avoid admitting we put up with anyone’s flaws for years. The only way to break the cycle of the ‘perfect dead person’ is to proactively be slightly annoying while you’re still alive.”