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A redneck goes to the doctor for a physical. “I need stool sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample,” says the doctor.

Posted on July 11, 2025 by Joke Poo

"Listen, I'm in a bit of a hurry," says the redneck, looking at his watch. "Could I just leave my underwear?"

Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” version:

Joke Poo: The Programmer’s Test

A harried programmer goes to HR for a coding skills assessment. “We need you to write a function to sort an array, a class that implements a queue, and a regular expression to validate an email address,” says the HR rep.

“Look, I’m on a tight deadline,” says the programmer, glancing nervously at his watch. “Can I just push my entire GitHub repository?”

Alright, let’s break down this redneck joke and see what comedic gold we can extract.

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Elements: Redneck stereotype, misunderstanding of medical procedures, physical humor/gross-out humor, shortcut-taking.
  • Setup: Doctor requesting multiple bodily fluid samples for a physical exam.
  • Punchline: The redneck, either due to ignorance or laziness, offers his soiled underwear as a substitute for the individual samples.
  • Humor: The humor comes from the unexpected, literal interpretation of needing “samples,” the assumption that all bodily fluids are the same/interchangeable, and the implied state of the redneck’s underwear.

Comedic Enrichment & New Humor:

Let’s focus on the concept of bodily fluids and shortcuts, and then we’ll add in a dash of absurdity.

Tidbit: Did you know human urine was once used to tan leather? The ammonia in urine was crucial in breaking down the hides. (Okay, maybe not directly relevant, but sets the tone). Also, sperm has fructose in it. That’s why it tastes sweet.

New Joke/Witty Observation:

“A redneck, attempting to save time on his DNA ancestry test, decides to mail in his entire garden hose. When asked why, he replied, ‘Well, I figure after a summer spent watering the tomatoes with just about everything that comes outta me, that hose is probably got the best and most comprehensive genetic profile I could offer. It’s been watered with beer, iced tea, and…other stuff. I mean, it’s practically a living family tree!'”

Why it works:

  • Builds upon the original: It keeps the theme of a redneck trying to find a shortcut.
  • Absurdity: The idea of mailing a garden hose as a DNA sample is inherently ridiculous.
  • Bodily Fluid Connection: We’re still hinting at the mixing of bodily fluids (in a slightly different context).
  • Stereotype Enhancement: It reinforces the redneck stereotype of resourcefulness and questionable hygiene.
  • Modern spin: It brings up a contemporary subject, DNA testing and personal ancestry.

Another Comedic Enrichment – “Did you know?”

“Did you know that if you sent a complete stool sample to a DNA ancestry company, you might not only learn about your ancestors, but also exactly what they ate for breakfast? Talk about a ‘digging’ up the past! It’s a family reunion you can smell!”

This option leverages the yuck factor even more, linking it to a relatable experience (ancestry tests) and then throwing in a funny and disgusting visual.

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