After reviewing the troops on parade he visits the medical tent to meet the soldiers.
The general barks at the first soldier, "Why are you here, soldier?"
"Hemorrhoids, Sir!"
"And how are you treating that?"
"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"
"And what's your goal in life?"
"To kill the enemy Sir!"
Impressed, the general asks the next soldier, "Why are you here?"
"Genital warts, Sir!"
"And how are you treating it?"
"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"
"And what's your goal in life?"
"To kill the enemy, Sir!"
Once again the general is impressed and moves on to the last soldier.
"And why are you here?"
"Gum disease, Sir!"
"And how are you treating it?"
"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"
"And what's your goal in life?"
"To beat those other two to the fucking wire brush, Sir!"
Joke Poo: The Tech Startup
A venture capitalist, notorious for funding only the most ruthless startups, visits a new company claiming to revolutionize dog walking. After a slick presentation, she decides to observe the team in action.
She corners the first employee, a young woman with a determined look. “Why are you here, employee?”
“Inefficient poop scooping, Ma’am!”
“And how are you addressing that?”
“AI-powered drone swarms and bio-degradable collection bags, Ma’am!”
“And what’s your ultimate goal?”
“To disrupt the pet care industry, Ma’am!”
Impressed, the VC moves on to a second employee, a bearded man hunched over a laptop. “And why are you here?”
“Dog waste route optimization, Ma’am!”
“And how are you handling that?”
“AI-powered drone swarms and bio-degradable collection bags, Ma’am!”
“And what’s your ultimate goal?”
“To disrupt the pet care industry, Ma’am!”
The VC, practically salivating, approaches the final employee, a stressed-looking intern. “And why are you here?”
“Lost dog notifications, Ma’am!”
“And how are you managing that?”
“AI-powered drone swarms and bio-degradable collection bags, Ma’am!”
“And what’s your ultimate goal?”
“To get to the actual drones before those two idiots assign them to cleaning the office, Ma’am!”
Alright, let’s dive into this gloriously awful joke.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A hardened general seeks out the toughest unit. This establishes an expectation of strength and resilience.
- Premise: The soldiers are in the medical tent with unpleasant ailments (hemorrhoids, genital warts, gum disease). This creates a contrast with the initial expectation.
- Running Gag: Each soldier answers the ailment and treatment (wire brush and disinfectant) with unwavering determination, culminating in the desire to “kill the enemy.” This builds a darkly humorous tension.
- Punchline: The final soldier breaks the pattern. While continuing the treatment, his goal shifts from killing the enemy to a far more immediate and selfish need: getting to the wire brush first. This subverts the established pattern, creating the comedic release.
- Core Humor: The humor arises from the incongruity of stoic military dedication juxtaposed with mundane and uncomfortable medical issues. The escalating absurdity of the “wire brush and disinfectant” treatment and the switch in the final soldier’s priorities amplify the comedic effect.
Elements for Enrichment:
- Wire Brush/Disinfectant: This antiquated and brutal treatment method is central to the joke’s dark humor.
- Military Toughness vs. Medical Vulnerability: The core incongruity driving the joke.
- Gum Disease: The final ailment, which, surprisingly, has a long military history.
Humorous Enrichment:
Option 1: Witty Observation (Playing on Military Dental History):
“You know, that joke reminds me of the Crimean War. Not for the wire brushes, thankfully, but for the teeth. Apparently, bad dental hygiene was such a problem in the British Army that ‘Crimean Dentures’ became a thing – made from the teeth of actual Crimean War casualties! So, next time you think your dentist is rough, just imagine a set of choppers sourced from a 19th-century battlefield. Suddenly, that wire brush doesn’t seem so bad… almost.”
Option 2: Did You Know? (Expanding on the Wire Brush):
“Did you know that wire brushes were sometimes used for medical purposes in the past, albeit questionably? Back in the ‘wild west’ era, doctors might use a wire brush to ‘clean’ wounds! I guess the idea was to scrub away infection. It sounds more like creating new ones, though, which actually might be the most hardcore way to train a army.”
Option 3: New Joke (Building on the General Character):
A stern general walks into a bar. The bartender, seeing his rank, immediately tenses up.
“Give me your strongest drink,” the general barks. “Something that can erase memories.”
The bartender nervously mixes the drink. The general downs it in one gulp.
“Did it work?” the bartender asks anxiously.
The general scowls. “Did what work? I have no idea what you’re talking about. And where’s the wire brush?”