"The shop tells me they have sold this year's allocation, and no more will be delivered," he told his friend.
"Easy enough," said his friend. "Go to Tula where the factory is – there will be plenty there."
A week later he sees his friend again, and his friend asks if he went to Tula.
"I did," he said, "but the shop there had no more this year. The factory output is allocated city by city, and there are no more just because it is Tula."
"Did you try going to the factory gate and buying one directly?" his friend asks.
"Yes, but they would not sell me one at the gate."
"Then how about slipping one of the workers a few roubles to bring one out to you?" says his friend.
"I made discreet enquiries, but workers said that the penalties are too severe, and they would not."
"Then did you try getting them to bring you out a few parts at a time, and assembling one for yourself?"
"Yes," says the man, "but when I put them together, I found I had made a machine gun."
Joke Poo: The Widget Fiasco
A Californian entrepreneur was lamenting their inability to secure a crucial widget for their startup.
“Every distributor tells me they’re backordered until next quarter! My launch is doomed!” they cried to their mentor.
“Simple,” the mentor replied. “Head to Shenzhen, where they make the widgets! They’ll be overflowing there.”
A week later, they met again. The entrepreneur looked defeated. “I went to Shenzhen, but the factories are all committed to fulfilling existing contracts. They won’t sell me a single widget, even at a premium.”
“Did you try talking to the factory managers directly? Bribing them a little, perhaps?” suggested the mentor.
“Tried that! They’re terrified of losing their contracts and facing audits. No dice.”
“Then what about getting them to smuggle out a few components at a time? You could assemble your own widget!”
“I did that,” the entrepreneur sighed. “But when I put it all together… I accidentally invented a disruptive blockchain-based social media platform.”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke.
Joke Breakdown:
- Core Theme: The absurdity and inefficiency of the Soviet economic system, specifically the difficulty in obtaining even basic consumer goods despite local production.
- Setup: A series of escalating attempts to circumvent the system and obtain a sewing machine.
- Punchline: The unexpected and darkly humorous outcome of assembling stolen parts: a machine gun instead of a sewing machine. This highlights both the poor quality control/planning and the paranoia of the system, where even attempts at simple industriousness lead to unintended, weaponized consequences.
- Humor Source: Irony, satire, and a touch of gallows humor. The humor stems from the stark contrast between the desired outcome (a sewing machine) and the actual outcome (a weapon). It also highlights the widespread corruption and inherent flaws of centralized planning.
Key Elements:
- Soviet Union: The historical and political context is crucial. This joke wouldn’t work as well without understanding the chronic shortages and bureaucratic red tape of the Soviet era.
- Sewing Machine: A symbol of domesticity, self-sufficiency, and everyday life. The difficulty in obtaining such a common item is what makes the situation so absurd.
- Tula: Mentioning a specific location (Tula, known for its arms manufacturing since the 18th century) foreshadows the punchline and adds a layer of dark irony.
- Escalating Attempts: The increasingly desperate measures highlight the frustration and the system’s resistance to individual initiative.
- Machine Gun: The ultimate symbol of state control, violence, and the paranoia of the regime.
Comedic Enrichment:
1. Witty Observation (Based on the Tula Connection):
“They say Tula is famous for its samovars and sewing machines…or, you know, whatever combination of stolen parts you can cobble together on a Friday night.”
2. “Did You Know?” (Playing on Historical Accuracy and Irony):
“Did you know that during the Soviet era, there were often two prices for goods: the official state price, and the price you paid under the counter after befriending a back-alley mechanic who could procure ‘spare parts’? In Tula, rumor has it that if you collected enough ‘spare parts’ for a sewing machine, you could inadvertently assemble a machine gun…and probably still get a better deal on it than a Lada.”
3. New Joke (Building on the original’s premise):
A Soviet bureaucrat is inspecting a factory. He asks the foreman, “How’s production of consumer goods going?”
The foreman beams, “Comrade, we’re exceeding expectations! We’re producing so many sewing machines that… well, let’s just say our quota for bayonets has gone down mysteriously.”
4. Expanded punchline
“…Yes,” says the man, “but when I put them together, I found I had made a machine gun. Also, I was visited by two gentlemen wearing overcoats who asked some very direct questions”
5. Short joke based on similar premise
Why did the KGB arrest the sewing circle? They found out the women were secretly making assault rifles!