When he came across an old man sitting in a rocking chair on his porch, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette. The old man had skin like crocodile leather, with wrinkles that were closer to canyons on his face, wisps of white hair clinging to his weathered head, yellowed eyes set deep in his wizened old face, and was bent over nearly in half with his shotgun as a cane.
The sociologist called out to him “hey, old timer, do you mind telling me how you lived to such a ripe old age?”
The man replied “well e’ery mornin’ I get up and smoke a little meth, and drink a case of Budweiser. Then I drink a fifth of Jack through lunch, and switch to Evan for dinner time. In the evenin’ I wind down with a jar of shine, and take the edge off with an eighth of good ol’ homegrown. And since idle hands are the devil’s plaything, I keep myself busy by smoking five packs of unfiltered Marlboros and a couple of cigars throughout the day.”
“My god,” said the sociologist. “And you do this every day?”
“Well, except for Saturday,” the old man replied. “On Saturday I go into town and get drunk.”
“Wow, and just how old are you?”
“32.”
Joke Poo: The Time-Traveling Intern
An astrophysicist was traveling through the space-time continuum…
When he stumbled upon a hyper-advanced being sitting on a crystalline throne, sipping nebula juice and puffing on a zero-point energy coil. The being had scales that shimmered with every known galaxy, eyes like swirling quasars, and tentacles that manipulated gravitational fields like fingers.
The astrophysicist, awestruck, called out, “Greetings, oh enlightened one! Would you mind revealing how you’ve attained such cosmic mastery?”
The being replied, “Well, every Planck second, I absorb the knowledge of a million dying stars, metabolize dark matter for breakfast, and then solve ten thousand unsolved equations of theoretical physics. I then casually reshape a few nebulae into amusing constellations and spend the rest of the day contemplating the ultimate fate of the universe. Since boredom is the enemy of enlightenment, I occasionally collapse a small number of rogue black holes and play with quantum entanglement by collapsing and re-emerging back into existence at will and at random throughout the universe.”
“My god,” said the astrophysicist. “And you do this every second?”
“Well, except for Tuesdays,” the being replied. “On Tuesdays, I have to attend the quarterly Universal Council meeting. It’s boring as hell.”
“Wow, and just how old are you?”
“Just finished my unpaid internship.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then concoct some comedic enrichment.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A sociologist encounters a stereotypical, extremely weathered old man in Appalachia. The setup strongly implies he’s lived a long, hard life. The detailed description heavily reinforces this expectation.
- Premise: The sociologist asks the secret to his apparent longevity.
- Punchline: The old man details a lifestyle of extreme substance abuse, followed by the reveal of his surprisingly young age (32). The humor derives from the incongruity between the man’s appearance and his age, and the absurdity of his lifestyle being presented as a potential key to a long life. This sets up a strong expectation (old age secret) and then subverts it hilariously.
Key Elements:
- Appalachia: Used as shorthand for a certain rugged, independent, and perhaps less health-conscious lifestyle.
- Exaggerated Description: Hyperbolic detailing of the old man’s weathered appearance to amplify the age expectation.
- Substance Abuse List: The escalating list of drugs and alcohol is crucial to the humor.
- Incongruity: The jarring contrast between the lifestyle and the unexpected age.
- Stereotype: The joke relies heavily on stereotypes of rural Appalachia, which is a sensitive area.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s explore the substance abuse list. The joke goes from beer to liquor to moonshine, and finally, marijuana. Let’s focus on moonshine.
Amusing “Did You Know” & Witty Observation About Moonshine:
“Did you know that early moonshiners in Appalachia often used lead solder in their stills? The result? A slightly sweet-tasting neurotoxin. I guess that explains why the sociologist in the joke didn’t question the recipe for longevity, he was probably too busy wondering if the old man was a time traveler or just slightly radioactive. And, let’s be honest, if you’re drinking moonshine, your definition of ‘fine wine’ probably involves a mason jar and no visits to the dentist in the last decade!”
New Joke (Inspired by the original and the moonshine “did you know”):
A city slicker visits an old-timer in the backwoods. He sees the old-timer sipping something from a mason jar. “What’s that you’re drinking?” he asks.
“My grandpappy’s secret recipe,” the old-timer replies, “It’s been passed down for generations.”
Intrigued, the city slicker asks, “What’s the secret ingredient? Ginseng? Rare herbs?”
The old-timer leans in conspiratorially. “Lead solder. Gives it a certain… je ne sais quoi.”
The city slicker, horrified, exclaims, “Lead? But that’s poisonous!”
The old-timer shrugs, “Well, that explains why all my ancestors sound like cartoon characters, but the secret recipe said never to remove it and all of them lived to be… well, the last one lived to be Tuesday.”
Explanation of the New Joke:
- It retains the “old-timer with an unusual secret” theme.
- It plays on the absurdity of lead solder in moonshine (a factual danger from the past).
- The punchline subverts the expectation of long life with a comically abrupt death.
- The cartoon characters punchline comes from the effects of lead on the brain and references the effects it had on people who lived long ago who used things with lead.
This comedic enrichment builds on the original joke by incorporating a factual element related to moonshine and crafting a new joke that shares the original’s core comedic device – the subversion of expectations with a touch of dark humor. It also adds a layer of absurdity by emphasizing the historical (and dangerous) practices of moonshining.