“Excuse me, Father,” she whispered, “may I ask a huge favor?”
“Of course, my child. What troubles you?”
“I bought this ultra-expensive hair removal device, but I’ve gone way over the duty-free limit. I’m terrified they’ll confiscate it at customs! Could you possibly hide it under your cassock?”
The priest raised an eyebrow. “I suppose I could… but you must understand – I cannot tell a lie.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Father. You have such an honest face, I’m sure no one will ask you a thing!”
Reluctantly, he tucked the gadget into the folds of his robe.
At customs, the officer asked, “Do you have anything to declare, Father?”
The priest replied calmly,
“From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The officer squinted. “And from your waist down?”
The priest hesitated, then said,
“I have a miraculous instrument designed to be used on women… but which has never been used.”
The customs officer blinked… then burst out laughing and waved him right through.
Joke Poo: The Taxidermist’s Secret
A meticulous taxidermist named Agnes was returning from a conference in Reykjavik, Iceland when she found herself next to a nervous-looking mime.
“Excuse me,” Agnes whispered, “I wonder if you might do me an enormous favor?”
The mime, after a prolonged pause, shrugged theatrically, then mimed an eager question mark.
“I’ve acquired this truly magnificent puffin,” Agnes continued, gesturing towards a large, oddly-shaped duffel bag at her feet. “But it’s completely unregulated. If they found it, it would be taken immediately. Would you consider hiding it inside your… uh… mime garb?”
The mime went pale, mimed a frantic no, then reluctantly mimed, okay, but this is REALLY weird.
Agnes beamed. “Don’t worry! You’re so… expressive, no one will ever think to question you!”
The mime, after much silent protest, tucked the stuffed puffin into his oversized costume.
At customs, the officer asked, with a weary sigh, “Anything to declare, sir?”
The mime, with a flourish, mimed a man shaking his head with great determination.
The officer pressed, “Alright, but I have to ask… is there anything at all, alive or dead… inside that suit?”
The mime hesitated, then began to mime a complex sequence: a bird, then a needle, then a sewing motion, finally ending with a shrug and a hopeful expression.
The customs officer stared blankly. “Is that… a puffin… being… sewn…? Look, I haven’t had my coffee yet. Just go.”
The mime, with an exaggerated bow, pranced through customs, leaving the bewildered officer scratching his head.
Okay, let’s break down this joke and then see what comedic alchemy we can perform.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: An elegant lady wants to avoid customs duties by hiding a hair removal device with a priest. This establishes a classic “unlikely duo” scenario, heightening comedic potential. The Swiss setting adds a touch of luxury and discretion.
- Character Types: The lady embodies sophistication and possibly a hint of rule-breaking, while the priest is portrayed as kindly but potentially naive or willing to bend rules.
- The Dilemma: The priest’s honesty is the central conflict. He can’t lie, but he’s willing to help.
- Punchline: The priest’s technically truthful but hilariously misleading answers (“From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare… I have a miraculous instrument designed to be used on women… but which has never been used.”) are the core of the joke. It plays on the officer’s (and the audience’s) expectations, leading to a comical misinterpretation and a wave-through.
Key Elements:
- Religion/Clergy: The presence and expected moral code of a priest
- Customs/Smuggling: The act of avoiding duty taxes
- Hair Removal: The specific nature of the item being hidden.
Comedic Enrichment & New Humor:
Let’s focus on the “miraculous instrument” aspect. Here’s a “Did You Know?” style comedic observation:
Did you know: In the early 20th century, some hair removal methods were so questionable they actually were miracles… if they didn’t cause permanent disfigurement or death. Early X-ray hair removal machines were briefly popular before their dangers were fully understood. So, while our priest’s “miraculous instrument” is likely just an electric gizmo, there was a time when claiming a hair removal device was miraculous might have been a dangerously accurate statement! And who knows, maybe he saved her from a device that did more than take hair off!
Bonus Joke:
A cardinal walks into a tech store looking for a new razor.
The sales associate asks, “Electric or manual, Father?”
The cardinal replies, “I’m looking for something really advanced. Something that can handle the most sensitive areas. A truly blessed razor, if you will.”
The sales associate grins. “I think I have just the thing. It’s got a built-in light, pivoting head, and… well, let’s just say it gives you a divine shave.”
The cardinal examines it closely. “Hmm, seems good. One last question, does it come with confession?”
Explanation:
- Links to Original: Reinforces the religion/priest element.
- Wordplay: Uses religious terms like “blessed” and “divine” in a humorous, suggestive context.
- Unexpected Twist: The final line is a quick return, surprising the audience with the slightly bawdy turn of the conversation.