The wife says, "That's great; I never thought of that. So you step on the scale before you go to the toilet, step on the scale again when you're done and the difference is the weight of your poop?"
And the redneck says, "… yeah, I guess I could do it that way…"
Okay, here’s my “Joke Poo” take on the redneck scale joke:
Joke Poo: The Spreadsheet Strategist
A tech startup CEO, obsessed with optimizing everything, buys his equally data-driven wife a smart scale to track her fitness progress. A week later, he excitedly says, “Honey, this scale is AMAZING! It’s syncing all our biometrics, predicting calorie needs based on gut microbiome data, and even suggesting optimal macronutrient ratios for maximum… output!”
The wife, tilting her head, asks, “So, you’re saying it helps us with our diets?”
The CEO beams. “Exactly! Not only can I see how much weight we’re losing, but now I can finally quantify the impact of our dietary adjustments! I know exactly how effective each new kale smoothie is!”
His wife says, “That’s great; I never thought of that. So you step on the scale before you go to the toilet, step on the scale again when you’re done, and the difference is the weight of the waste and the scale feeds that data to you so you can make an informed decision on what you will eat?”
And the CEO says, “… Well, I could do it that way… but I’ve been meticulously logging the consistency, color, and estimated volume, then correlating it with our food journal for a more granular analysis. The scale is actually secondary to my primary method.”
Alright, let’s break down this joke and see what comedic nuggets we can extract.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Premise: A redneck misunderstands the intended use of a scale for dieting. He’s measuring poop output, not body weight changes.
- Humor Source: The humor arises from the redneck’s literal interpretation and unconventional thinking. It’s a classic example of miscommunication and the “dumb redneck” stereotype, played for laughs. The implied mental image of the redneck carefully weighing himself with and without poop is also funny.
- Key Elements:
- Scale: The central object, representing weight measurement.
- Redneck: The stereotypical “simple” character.
- Poop: The unexpected focus of the measurement.
- Misunderstanding: The core comedic engine.
- Wife: Acts as a straight-man in the conversation, clarifying the intended use of the scale.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, let’s use these elements to craft something new. How about a “Did You Know” style observation, played for humor?
“Did You Know?”
Did you know that while the average person produces about one pound of poop per day, scientists haven’t yet developed a dedicated “poop scale” specifically designed to track your daily output? This is despite the fact that many individuals, especially those on high-fiber diets, already employ their bathroom scale for this purpose, often leading to awkward spousal conversations about “baseline” weight measurements. One entrepreneurial redneck in Kentucky, however, is reportedly developing a prototype: a talking scale that shouts “Atta boy!” or “Atta girl!” based on the day’s output. He calls it the “Number Two Motivator.” He’s still working on the “Oh dear…” setting.
Explanation of the Enrichment:
- Leverages existing knowledge: Starts with a slightly gross, but true, fact about poop production.
- Continues the Misunderstanding: Acknowledges people use scales for poop measurement, tying back to the original joke.
- Extends the “Redneck” Stereotype: Reinforces the stereotype through the inventor’s background and product name.
- Added Humor: Adds the absurdity of a talking scale that provides positive reinforcement for pooping. The subtle inclusion of a negative setting to the talking scale is there to highlight the humor and bring it full circle.
- Maintains tone: Keeps a light, humorous tone suitable for the subject matter.
Another Option:
New Joke:
A city slicker is visiting his redneck cousin in the country. The cousin is excitedly showing off his new smart scale.
“This thang’s amazin’!” the redneck says. “It tells me my weight, my BMI, even my body fat percentage!”
The city slicker is impressed. “Wow! Does it tell you anything else?”
The redneck scratches his head. “Well, yesterday, after I, uh, relieved myself, it flashed a message on the screen: ‘Insufficient Data. Please try again after adding more roughage.'”