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Author: Joke Poo

An infinite line of mathematicians walk into a bar…

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

The first one orders a beer. The second orders 1/2 a beer. The third one orders 1/4 a beer. The bartender quickly catches on, pours two beers and says "You guys need…

What was the quiet pooper’s motto?

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

“I put the shhhhh in shit” Okay, here’s my attempt: Joke Poo: What Was the Forgetful Gardener’s Motto? What was the forgetful gardener’s motto? "I put the whoops in crops!" Okay, let’s…

Bartender looking at the client’s empty glass in front of him: “Would you like another one?”

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

“Why would I need another empty glass?”, responded the client. Okay, here’s my "Joke Poo" version, titled: Joke Poo: Programmer’s Predicament Tech Support looking at the programmer’s crashing code on the screen:…

What US military branch is the most patriotic?

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Air Force. Cause they're USAF! Okay, here’s my attempt at a "Joke Poo" version of the original joke, titled "Joke Poo": Joke Poo: What kind of dog makes the best secret agent?…

Why is a car ferry like a condom?

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Roll-on, roll-off, full of seamen and if you get a hole in one, you're sunk. Okay, here’s my attempt at a "Joke Poo" based on that one, maintaining a similar structure and…

Knock knock

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Who's there? Amos Amos who? A mosquito. Knock knock Who's there? Anna Anna who? Another mosquito. Knock knock Who's there? Yeti Yeti who? Yet another mosquito. Knock knock Who's there? Helen Helen…

Doing the Laundry (true story)

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

My wife and I take turns doing the laundry. We separate light from colors, cold from warm wash, all that, like most people do. I had put some laundry in and had…

A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemist shop.

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom. The…

A software tester walks into a bar.

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Flies into a bar. Jumps into a bar. And orders: a beer. 2 beers. 0 beers. 99999999 beers. a lizard…

Do you have an acronym for TESLA?

Posted on June 5, 2025 by Joke Poo

Add to the list of car names explained like the following examples: ACURA: Asia's Curse Upon Rural America AUDI: Always Unsafe Designs Implemented BMW: Big Money Wasted CHEVROLET: Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • A new Navy recruit starts his first day on a submarine.
  • A married man spots a gorgeous woman in the supermarket and says, “Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife somewhere in these aisles… would you mind chatting with me for a bit?”
  • A young man walks into a pharmacy and asks for condoms…
  • An old lady goes to the doctor and says ‘doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here’
  • Girlfriend asked if she was fat so I proved my love in the most literal way
  • A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet
  • What’s the scariest thing a gun toting, pegging enthusiast, broke ass girlfriend can say to you?
  • Yo mama’s so fat… whenever she went to the circus…
  • What’s the difference between a guy at a gay bar, a Type 2 diabetic, and a job applicant at a construction site?
  • Patient goes to doctor for test results.
  • A farmer was selling apple seeds that were supposed to make you smarter.
  • A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He takes it outside to enjoy on the bench.
  • Two old friends run into each other on the street.
  • The burley gates of heaven
  • Did you hear about the price of chimneys these days?!
  • The Captain’s Red Shirt
  • Little Johnny’s neighbor
  • Horse
  • Your momma’s so fat…
  • I saw a dwarf climbing down a rope from a prison rooftop.
  • A Jewish woman came to her rabi, visibly upset.
  • Teacher asks Billy a math question
  • I find people can be so judgemental these days….
  • The butcher shop
  • September is Alzheimer’s awareness month
  • I saw a bison in the gym doing a workout the other day….
  • A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
  • Mexican Mayonnaise
  • I hate charging my electric car.
  • One day I called home and my kid answered. I asked where’s mom?
  • An old man comes to confession and says to the priest:
  • A Knock Knock Joke
  • What’s common between a testicular joke and testicular cancer?
  • A guy walks in a store looking to buy some beer
  • One afternoon, a teenage couple was on a hike in the woods.
  • Wish me luck, everyone! I have to meet with some people working at my bank in a few minutes. If all goes well I’ll pay off every debt I have, and still have enough to retire early.
  • A penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down…
  • Not all construction tasks are equally enjoyable.
  • In a carpenter’s workshop, one apprentice makes a bet that he can recognize any type of wood just by its smell. They blindfold him and hand him the first board… the apprentice smells it confidently and says: “Oak!”
  • I was admitted into the hospital and as I settled into my bed, I overheard my “roommate” using the speakerphone to order breakfast from the cafeteria
  • My mom went on vacation to Florida
  • School year is like pregnancy.
  • A man visits his lawyer
  • A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
  • Election results are like group project grades
  • A librarian is having a discussion with a cobra…
  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.

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