A crew is flying a plane.The captain gets up and says to the young co-pilot:
“Alright kid, I’m going to take a dump. While I’m gone, think about this — will the total weight of the plane go down while I’m in the bathroom?”
The rookie’s sitting there all serious, thinking it through:
“Hmmm… the toilet’s a closed system, so technically the poop stays on board. Therefore, the weight shouldn’t change.”
The captain comes back, and the kid proudly gives his answer.
The captain just shakes his head and goes,
“You idiot! Of course the plane got lighter — it’s been burning fuel while I was gone! You’re over here thinking about crap instead of aviation!”
Joke Poo: The Astronaut’s Waste Disposal
A team of astronauts is on a long-duration mission to Mars. The mission commander floats over to the junior science officer and says:
“Alright kid, I’m going to handle some ‘biological waste disposal.’ While I’m occupied, ponder this: will the total mass of the spacecraft change while I’m… indisposed?”
The rookie scientist is completely absorbed in thought, stroking their chin:
“Hmm… our waste management system is a meticulously designed closed-loop recycling system. All waste is processed, and resources are reclaimed for water and trace elements. So, theoretically, the total mass should remain precisely constant.”
The commander returns, looking slightly green. He waves a hand dismissively.
“You buffoon! Of course, the spacecraft’s mass has decreased! Remember the cosmic rays? They’re bombarding us constantly and spalling off tiny particles from the hull! You’re obsessing over my bodily functions when you should be considering the fundamental physics of space travel!”
Alright, let’s break down this airborne toilet humor:
Key Elements of the Joke:
- Setup: A flight crew, captain-co-pilot dynamic, and the captain announcing a bathroom break. Establishes authority and sets up a potential “teaching moment.”
- The Riddle: Posed question about the plane’s weight during the captain’s absence. This is the core of the misdirection.
- The Co-Pilot’s Response: A logical, physics-based answer, showcasing intelligence but missing the obvious. The focus is on the poop aspect.
- The Punchline: The captain’s exasperated revelation focuses on fuel consumption, highlighting the rookie’s tunnel vision and the irony of focusing on something so minute in the grand scheme of aviation.
- Humor Source: Comes from the misdirection (focus on poop vs. fuel), the authority figure belittling the subordinate, and the absurdity of such a specific question being asked in a high-stakes environment.
Now, let’s enrich that with some aviation facts and comedic twists:
Did you know: The average commercial airplane burns approximately 1 gallon of jet fuel per second during takeoff. That means, depending on the length of the captain’s…business, and the efficiency of his digestion, he might have single-handedly negated the carbon offset program of a small European country.
New Joke Variant:
A stressed out astronaut is on the International Space Station when he radioes down to mission control.
“Houston, we have a problem. I need to use the facilities, but I’m worried about mass conservation.”
The mission control specialist responds, “Roger that, what’s the problem?”
“Well, I’ve heard stories of astronauts losing tools out of the airlock, but I’ve never heard of anyone losing a Number 2 out of an airlock. How do I make sure all the molecules that enter the facility are accounted for to exit the facility? I don’t want to create a gravity anomaly that destabilizes the entire station! How will I make sure I don’t contribute to orbital decay?!”
A long pause from mission control. Finally, the specialist sighs, and says, “Just…just make sure you lock the door after.”
(Why this works): Takes the “weight/mass” element and amplifies it in the extreme context of space, where every gram is meticulously accounted for. It plays on the trope of overly analytical astronauts and the ridiculousness of applying such scrutiny to a bodily function. The punchline acknowledges the absurdity by reverting to simple common sense.
Witty Observation:
They say what goes up must come down. Unless it’s the captain’s weight after a long flight. Thanks, jet fuel!
Bonus Enrichment:
The co-pilot’s reasoning is partially valid. While the poop itself stays on board (thank goodness), the metabolic process of creating said poop does release some energy (and heat) that eventually dissipates into the environment. So, technically, the plane does lose a tiny amount of mass due to the captain’s defecation. Good luck calculating that fuel offset, chief!