Dear Granddaughter, I just have to tell you about the most profound religious experience I had the other day. After choir practice and a rousing prayer meeting, I headed over to…
Category: Long
I had a call from a scammer the other day
Me: “Hello.” NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.” Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?” NOT-Microsoft…
A man walks in to the doctors with genital issues..
The doctor says "take off your pants and ill take a look". The man pulls them down and reveals his penis, which is barely the size of a tictac. The doctor tries…
A man is in a long line at the grocery store
A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if…
The Golden Screw
This is my attempt at a classic. Or at least I think it’s a classic? I know I’ve seen similar jokes before. There once was a man born with a golden screw…
The Boston orchestra is playing Beethoven’s Ninth.
In the piece, there's a long passage (about 20 minutes) where the double basses have nothing to play. Rather than sit around feeling stupid and useless for 20 minutes, the two bassists…
My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman!
She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She…
A collection of the lamest jokes I could find
Never try to play hide-and-seek with a mountain; it always peaks at the wrong time. gonna tell my plants a joke later, but they’ll probably just soil themselves laughing. Give a man…
Boy Saves Cat
One morning, a mom and dad wake up to find their son missing. Extremely worried, the dad tries calling the son's phone several times, to no avail. Then the mom tries ringing,…
A village of mimes (help me create a joke)
Hey, everyone. My youngest daughter has this thing where she likes to put me on the spot and say I have to come up with a joke. I almost never can, which…