When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.
"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"
"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."
"Please place that purse on the passenger seat, Ma'am, and don't make any sudden moves towards it. Do you have any other weapons I should know about?"
"Well, there's a Colt 1911 automatic in the glove compartment…"
"Okay, let's stay away from that side of the car. Anything else?"
"I got a .22 Derringer in my bra, but it's just a little peashooter. Wouldn't hurt a fly."
The cop sighs, and asks, "Do you have any other weapons on you?"
"What do you mean by 'on me'?"
"Ma'am, do you have any other weapons? Just tell me."
"Okay, there's a Mossberg 12 gauge pump action and an AK-47 in the trunk."
The cop pauses for a moment. "Ma'am, you have a revolver, a derringer, an automatic pistol, a shotgun, and an assault rifle, What are you so afraid of?"
"Not a goddamn thing.”
Joke Poo: The IRS Audit
An IRS auditor calls in a timid accountant for a full audit of his finances.
“Sir,” the auditor begins, “I see from your records you claimed a dependent last year. Is this correct?”
“Yes, sir,” the accountant replies nervously, adjusting his glasses.
“And this dependent… according to your filing, you provided them with room, board, and medical expenses. All deductible, naturally. Who is this dependent?”
The accountant gulps, then whispers, “A T-Rex.”
The auditor stares blankly. “A… T-Rex? As in… Tyrannosaurus Rex?”
“Yes, sir. A fully grown, carnivorous T-Rex.”
The auditor scoffs. “And you’re telling me you’re providing room for a dinosaur? What kind of room? A national park?”
The accountant wrings his hands. “Well, it’s mostly outdoors. We had to reinforce the fence, of course.”
The auditor sighs. “And medical expenses? Just what kind of medical expenses does a dinosaur require?”
“Mostly sedatives, sir. He gets anxious easily, and then the property value declines from…the property destruction.”
The auditor leans back, clearly exasperated. “Okay, last question. Board. Just what in the world do you feed a T-Rex?”
The accountant shrugs. “Auditors, mostly.”
The auditor pauses, then a slow smile spreads across his face. “You know… I have been working a lot of overtime lately.”
Alright, let’s break down this joke and then build something funnier on top of it.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Conflict: The humor stems from the incongruity between a seemingly harmless little old lady and an arsenal of weaponry. This creates a subversion of expectations. We expect little old ladies to be vulnerable, not packing heat.
- Setup: The routine traffic stop. The slow, escalating reveal of weapons heightens the tension and comedic effect. The officer’s increasingly frantic questioning is a key element.
- Punchline: “Not a goddamn thing.” This is perfect because it’s both unexpected and a powerful statement. It shatters any assumptions about the old lady’s fear, suggesting either extreme confidence, paranoia, or just plain eccentricity.
- Key Elements:
- Stereotype: The harmless old lady.
- Exaggeration: The sheer quantity and variety of weapons.
- Contrast: The sweet persona vs. the firepower.
- Wordplay: The ambiguity of “on me” which leads to the reveal of the trunk arsenal.
Comedic Enrichment & New Joke Idea:
Let’s focus on the “.22 Derringer in my bra” element. It’s inherently absurd and offers rich comedic potential.
Interesting Tidbit: The Derringer pistol is named after Henry Deringer, a Philadelphia gunsmith who designed and manufactured them in the mid-19th century. The original Deringers were single-shot muzzleloaders, not the more modern cartridge-firing versions. These guns were extremely popular for self-defense, especially because they were easily concealed. Interestingly, Henry Deringer even unsuccessfully tried to trademark his last name.
New Joke/Observation (playing on the Derringer and the “little old lady” stereotype):
Joke:
A senior citizen signs up for a concealed carry class. The instructor asks, “So, Mrs. Gable, what firearm did you bring today?”
Mrs. Gable pulls out a tiny pearl-handled Derringer from her purse.
The instructor, trying to hide his amusement, says, “That’s… diminutive. What do you plan to do with that in a dangerous situation?”
Mrs. Gable smiles sweetly. “Oh, I’ll just whip it out, yell ‘Remember the Alamo!’ and start shooting at their knees.”
Explanation of the New Joke’s Humor:
- It maintains the “harmless old lady with surprising firepower” theme.
- The reference to “Remember the Alamo!” adds a layer of historical absurdity and the old lady seems to want to avenge this loss.
- The image of an elderly woman shouting a battle cry and aiming for knees is inherently funny.
- It plays on the idea that sometimes the best weapon isn’t necessarily the biggest, but the one you’re willing to use with conviction (and a touch of senility).
Another observation:
Did you know:
Little old ladies today statistically carry more pepper spray than handguns? Turns out, yelling, “Get off my lawn!” and using Capsicum Oleoresin on an attacker is not only legal but also saves money on ammunition. Plus, the lingering aroma keeps squirrels away from bird feeders.