Suddenly somebody in the hall sneezes loudly. Everyone gasps in terror.
Stalin looks sternly at the audience, and says, "Who sneezed?".
Nobody confesses, so Stalin claps his hands. A platoon of NKVD troops with automatic weapons barges in, drags the front row out in the hallway and shoots them.
"I will ask again – who sneezed?" Nobody confesses, so the process is repeated with the second row.
After the third row has been dragged out and shot without anyone confessing, an old man in the rear, a devout Communist, decides to sacrifice himself for the younger comrades, stands up and bravely proclaims: "I sneezed, Comrade Stalin!".
Stalin looks at him sternly for a moment. "Bless you, comrade!". And he continues with the speech.
Joke Poo: Corporate Retreat
During a mandatory corporate retreat trust-building exercise, the CEO, Brenda, is leading a “vulnerability circle.”
Suddenly, somebody in the circle lets out a thunderous fart. Everyone squirms uncomfortably.
Brenda, trying to maintain a positive vibe, says, “Okay team, who shared that release?”
Nobody admits to it, so Brenda claps her hands. A team of HR representatives with termination papers barges in, drags the marketing department out into the parking lot, and fires them all.
“Let’s try again – who released that…tension?” Nobody confesses, so the process is repeated with the sales department.
After the third department has been marched out and canned without anyone confessing, a young intern in the back, eager to prove his worth, decides to sacrifice himself for the remaining senior managers, stands up and bravely proclaims: “I… I was the one who broke the silence, Brenda!”
Brenda smiles brightly. “Great, Dave! Team, let’s give Dave a round of applause for being honest and vulnerable!” Everyone claps weakly. “Now, Dave, please clean up the mess and bring us all lattes. Expressos for the VPs!”
Alright, let’s break down this dark humor gem!
Joke Dissection:
- Core Concept: The joke leverages the absurdity of Stalinist paranoia and brutality. The fear of Stalin is so immense that people would rather die than admit to a harmless sneeze. The ending subverts expectations by having Stalin simply bless the sneezer.
- Key Elements:
- Stalin: Represents the arbitrary and absolute power of a totalitarian leader.
- Sneeze: A trivial, involuntary human action, highlighting the overreaction.
- NKVD/Purges: A direct reference to the ruthless enforcement and violence that characterized Stalin’s regime.
- Fear: The pervasive atmosphere of terror and the willingness to sacrifice others (or oneself) to avoid repercussions.
- Absurdity: The contrast between the punishment (mass execution) and the “crime” (a sneeze) creates a darkly comedic effect.
- Subversion: The resolution (“Bless you, comrade!”) completely undercuts the escalating tension.
Comedic Enrichment & New Joke:
Based on the elements of fear, arbitrary power, and the sneeze, let’s create a new joke:
Did you know: Joseph Stalin was such a germaphobe, he made the common cold a counter-revolutionary offense?
New Joke:
During a Politburo meeting, a fly lands on Stalin’s nose. Everyone freezes.
Stalin slowly closes his eyes and says “Who touched my nose?”
Silence.
Stalin opens his eyes. “Comrades, this is a serious breach of security. If no one admits to this hostile act, we will have to assume it was an imperialist plot.”
He pauses.
“Very well. Comrade Beria, summon the Ornithological Task Force immediately and have them analyze the trajectory of all airborne insects within a 50-kilometer radius. We will identify the culprit… and its handlers.”
Beria, pale and sweating, salutes.
Suddenly, a tiny voice pipes up from the back. “C-Comrade Stalin… it was me… the fly.”
Stalin stares. “You…admite you touched my nose?”
The fly, trembling, buzzes, “Yes, Comrade Stalin…I am so sorry.”
Stalin ponders. “Interesting. You are clearly a dedicated worker, a true toiler of the air. You were simply seeking a better perch. I understand. Report to the Mess Hall immediately and enjoy extra rations. You have earned it.”
(Turning to Beria) “And Comrade Beria, cancel the Task Force. And find out if that fly is up to date on its five year plan. “