A guy is visiting Texas for the first time. Having just arrived after a long day of travel, he goes to the hotel restaurant for dinner. He orders a steak, and the waiter asks him: “will that be a regular steak or a Texas steak?”
“What’s the difference?”, the man asks.
“Well, everything is bigger in Texas. While a regular steak is 12oz, a Texas steak is 48oz.”
“When in Rome” the man thinks to himself, and proceeds to order the Texas steak. After the meal, he decides to have a cigar. The waiter asks him if he’d like a regular cigar or a Texas cigar.
“What’s the difference?,” the man asks.
“A Texas cigar is about twice as thick and twice as long as a regular cigar.”
A Texas cigar it is. To go with it, he orders a whisky. I don’t need to explain this but—naturally—he orders the Texas whisky, which is nothing less than a pint glass filled to the brim.
After all this eating, drinking, and smoking, the man needs to use the bathroom. The waiter explains how to get there: “down the hall, make a left, down the stairs, and to the right.”
The man, by now inebriated, goes down the hall, makes a left, goes down the stairs, and makes another left. He stumbles straight into the swimming pool and falls in.
“DON’T FLUSH!”, he shouts.
Joke Poo: Everything’s Efficient in Japan
A tourist is visiting Japan for the first time. After a long day of sightseeing, he enters a traditional restaurant for dinner. He orders sushi, and the waiter asks, “Would you like regular sushi or efficient sushi?”
“What’s the difference?” the tourist inquires.
“Well,” the waiter explains, “everything is efficient in Japan. While regular sushi has 8 pieces per roll, efficient sushi is compressed into a single, perfectly formed, bite-sized morsel containing the same amount of ingredients.”
Intrigued, the tourist orders the efficient sushi. Afterwards, he decides to have some sake. The waiter asks if he’d like a regular sake or an efficient sake.
“What’s the difference?” the tourist asks again.
“An efficient sake is brewed with a concentrated fermentation process and served in a thimble-sized cup, delivering the same alcoholic content as a full carafe.”
The tourist, embracing the culture, orders the efficient sake. Following this, he wants some green tea. And yes, you guessed it: he orders the efficient green tea, which arrives as a single, highly potent, concentrated green tea pellet.
After all this eating and drinking (efficiently), the tourist needs to use the restroom. The waiter directs him: “Down the hall, turn right, go through the bamboo screen, and to your left.”
The tourist, now slightly tipsy from all the concentrated sake, goes down the hall, turns right, and mistakenly pushes through the other bamboo screen… stumbling directly into a zen rock garden. He trips, landing face-first into the meticulously raked sand.
He looks up, mortified, at the perfectly undisturbed patterns he’s ruined, and whispers: “DELETE HISTORY!”
Alright, let’s break down this Texas-sized joke and see if we can wrangle some more humor out of it.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: The humor hinges on the well-known stereotype that everything is “bigger” in Texas. This is established through the escalating examples of a Texas-sized steak, cigar, and whiskey.
- Escalation: The joke uses a classic escalation technique. Each item is progressively more absurd in its Texas-sized version.
- Punchline: The punchline relies on a misunderstanding and a gross-out element. The man, expecting a Texas-sized toilet, mistakes the swimming pool for one and shouts a command one would normally issue when about to use a toilet.
- Target: The joke targets Texans (good-naturedly, hopefully) and the “bigger is better” mentality. It also plays on the expectations of tourists who fall for the stereotype.
Key Elements:
- Texas Stereotype: “Everything’s bigger in Texas.”
- Absurd Scaling: The increasingly ludicrous sizes of the steak, cigar, and whiskey.
- Misunderstanding/Bathos: The man’s drunkenly mistaken belief that he’s found a giant toilet.
Humorous Enrichment & New Jokes:
Let’s leverage those elements for some additional laughs:
1. “Did you know?” – Based on Fact and Absurdity:
“Did you know that the King Ranch in Texas is larger than the state of Rhode Island? Which is why when you visit a rest stop on the King Ranch, you technically have to present a passport and go through customs to use the bathroom.”
Why it works: This plays on the “everything is bigger” stereotype and introduces a factual element (the size of King Ranch). The customs gag is an absurd escalation.
2. A Texas-Sized Observation:
“The reason Texas loves claiming everything’s bigger there is because the actual state of Texas is so big, it’s embarrassing if anything isn’t comparatively enormous. Imagine the existential crisis of a Texan ant farm. ‘Is that it?’ the ants whisper, disappointed.”
Why it works: This points out the potential pressure to maintain the “bigger” stereotype. The “Texan ant farm” image is inherently humorous.
3. New Joke: Texas-Sized Problems:
A Texan walks into a therapist’s office, visibly distraught.
Therapist: “What seems to be the problem?”
Texan: “Doc, I just can’t deal with it anymore! I ordered a ‘small’ coffee this morning, and it came in a five-gallon bucket! My dog keeps bringing home armadillos the size of Volkswagens! And last night, I tried to make a sandwich, and the slice of cheese alone was big enough to carpet my entire living room!”
Therapist: “Well, that sounds like a classic case of…”
Texan: “…being mildly inconvenienced by the sheer scale of everyday life? You betcha!”
Why it works: This takes the “bigger” trope and applies it to everyday annoyances, creating a relatable yet absurd scenario. The anti-climax punchline is unexpected.
4. Witty Observation on the Joke’s Setup:
“It’s interesting that the waiter asks ‘regular’ or ‘Texas’ size. Shouldn’t it be ‘small’ or ‘normal’ in Texas? Or maybe they just refer to anything not from Texas as ‘miniature.'”
Why it works: It humorously highlights the skewed perspective implied by the joke’s setup.
These are a few ways to extend the humor of the original joke by building on its core elements and adding factual or imaginative twists. The key is to maintain the spirit of the “bigger in Texas” stereotype while introducing a new angle or perspective.