A man proposed to his girlfriend but she refused to marry him until he switched to Catholicism.
Totally in love, the man agreed, and undertook to have regular lessons at the local church.
Time passed and he proved to have assimilated enough knowledge to be classed a proper Catholic.
As a final rite, the priest made the sign of the cross over him, repeating, "You're a Catholic, not a Protestant. You're a Catholic, not a Protestant. You're a Catholic, not a Protestant."
The happy couple married, and life resumed. One day, the priest decided to drop in on the couple to see how they were doing. The wife opened the door, and as he entered, the priest smelled a smell coming from the kitchen that one does not expect to smell in a good Catholic kitchen on a Friday.
He walked into the kitchen to see the husband cooking, making a sign of the cross over the pan, repeating, "You're not a steak, you're salmon. You're not a steak, you're salmon. You're not a steak, you're salmon."
Joke Poo: Silicon Saturday
A programmer proposed to his girlfriend, but she refused to marry him until he started using Vim.
Totally in love, the programmer agreed, and undertook to have regular sessions with a Vim guru at the local co-working space.
Time passed and he proved to have assimilated enough esoteric commands to be considered a proper Vim user.
As a final test, the guru opened a blank file in Vim, repeating, “:wqa! You’re using Vim, not Emacs. :wqa! You’re using Vim, not Emacs. :wqa! You’re using Vim, not Emacs.”
The happy couple married, and life resumed. One day, the guru decided to drop in on the couple to see how they were doing. The wife opened the door, and as he entered, the guru heard a sound coming from the living room that one does not expect to hear from a serious Vim user on a Saturday.
He walked into the living room to see the husband coding furiously in VS Code, pressing Ctrl+S and repeating, “You’re not Vim, you’re VS Code. You’re not Vim, you’re VS Code. You’re not Vim, you’re VS Code.”
Alright, let’s dive into this fishy situation!
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: Man converts to Catholicism for love.
- Key Element 1: The conversion process, specifically the repetitive assertion of “Catholic, not Protestant.”
- Key Element 2: The Catholic dietary restriction of abstaining from meat on Fridays (Lent in particular).
- Punchline: Husband repurposes the priest’s conversion ritual to “convert” steak into salmon to circumvent the dietary restriction.
- Humor Source:
- The absurd literal interpretation of a religious ritual.
- The man’s clever (or perhaps clueless) attempt to reconcile his love of meat with his new faith.
- The implied failure of the priest’s conversion if the man feels the need to magically transform his food.
Enrichment & New Humor:
Now, let’s use some facts and observations to create something new based on these elements:
Fact-Based Observation:
Did you know that the Friday meat abstention rule wasn’t primarily about sacrifice, but rather about supporting the fishing industry? Medieval Europe had a massive fishing industry, and encouraging fish consumption was a way to bolster the economy. The Pope even has the power to grant Dispensations from abstinence. For example, St. Patrick’s Day often receives one.
New Joke/Witty Observation:
The man’s kitchen smelled suspiciously of redemption. It wasn’t just the pan’s sizzling confession, but the fact that he knew the Church’s original intention with Friday fish was to stimulate the economy. He’d decided to expand the ritual: “You’re not a paycheck, you’re a donation. You’re not a paycheck, you’re a donation…”. Now, if only he could convince his credit card company.
Alternative Punchline:
The priest sighed, took a deep breath, and said, “Alright, let’s get one thing straight. It’s ‘You’re not a cow, you are salmon.’ Grammar matters, even in transubstantiation-adjacent culinary loopholes!”
Humorous ‘Did You Know’:
Did you know that in some parts of the world, capybara meat is allowed on Fridays during Lent because the Catholic church previously classified them as fish due to them being semi-aquatic? Perhaps our convert needs to diversify his repertoire of culinary miracles!