A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.
On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.
"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes — I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem — it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't been with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I can look the other way."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"Thirty-five," she replied.
"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing."
Joke Poo: Petting Zoo Pandemonium
A school field trip was at a small, suspiciously-maintained petting zoo.
On the far side of the goat enclosure, the teacher, Mrs. Crabtree, said, “Okay class, be very gentle when you pet the animals. Don’t startle them or make any sudden movements. We don’t want any accidents.”
Little Timmy, ever the rebel, immediately ran towards the largest goat and, with a mighty heave, threw a half-eaten apple directly at its rear end.
Mrs. Crabtree cringed. “Timmy! I told you to be careful with the animals! Alright, everyone, stay here. I’m going to go apologize to the zookeeper for Timmy’s behavior and see if any damage was done.”
She marched towards the zookeeper’s office and knocked on the door. A muffled voice called, “Come in!” She opened the door to find the room in disarray, with straw scattered everywhere and a broken piñata lying on the floor.
A man on the couch, covered in glitter and holding a half-eaten carrot, said, “Are you the class with the little vandal?”
“Uh, yes. I am so sorry about that little boy,” Mrs. Crabtree replied, mortified.
“No, actually, I want to thank you. I’m a magical Unicorn who was trapped for centuries, disguised as a particularly surly goat! That piñata held the spell! You’ve freed me! I’m allowed to grant each of you a wish – I’ll give you one, and the little boy gets one, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Oh my goodness, really!?” Mrs. Crabtree gasped, “I wish for world peace!”
“No problem! It’s the least I could do. And you, little troublemaker, what do you want?” The Unicorn said, turning to where Timmy had followed her in.
Timmy, picking his nose, said, “I wish I had a lifetime supply of boogers!”
“Consider it done!” the Unicorn replied, with a shudder.
“And what’s your wish, Unicorn?” Mrs. Crabtree said.
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that goat body, I haven’t experienced pure, unadulterated joy in centuries. My wish is to experience the most revolting, childish thing I can imagine.”
The Unicorn looked at Timmy and said, “Timmy, go back in the goat enclosure and give those goats a taste of your lifetime supply.”
Timmy immediately ran back, giggling maniacally. After an hour of, well, let’s just say messy fun, the Unicorn, covered in goat slobber and assorted bodily fluids, rolled over and looked at Mrs. Crabtree. “How old is that kid, anyway?”
“Seven,” she replied.
“And he still believes in Unicorns? That’s amazing.”
Alright, let’s dive into this joke.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Elements: Golf, rich people’s anxieties, a genie granting wishes, infidelity, and gullibility.
- Setup: The initial situation establishes the high-stakes environment of a fancy golf course and the couple’s concern about property damage. This heightens the anticipation.
- Twist: The broken window leads to the unexpected appearance of a genie.
- Wishes as Misdirection: The granted wishes serve to distract from the “real” price. They set up a scenario where one might expect the genie’s wish to be something grand or impactful.
- The Genie’s Wish: The genie’s wish is for sex with the wife, revealing a base desire and highlighting the husband’s willingness to trade his wife’s fidelity for wealth.
- Punchline: The final exchange between the genie and the wife delivers the punchline. It’s funny because it reveals the wife’s willingness to go along with this situation and belittles the husband’s naivete.
Comedic Enrichment & Alternative Punchlines
Here are a few ways we can spin off this joke, using facts and observations related to its elements:
Variant 1: Playing on Golf’s Absurdity
Premise: Retain original until the genie’s wish.
Genie’s Wish: “I haven’t played a decent round of golf in a millennium. My wish is for your handicap.”
Husband: (Confused) “My handicap? But… it’s like a 25. And sometimes I fudge the numbers a little.”
Genie: “Don’t care. Just want to see what it’s like to be that consistently inconsistent.”
Analysis: This twist uses the often ridiculous nature of golf handicaps (and golfers’ attitudes towards them) for humor. It’s less about infidelity and more about the frustrating pursuit of golfing mediocrity.
Variant 2: Fact-Based Twist: Genie’s Perspective
Premise: Same setup. The Genie requests to sleep with the wife.
The Scene: The Genie is rolling over after the fact, looking at the wife, and says: “You know, being cooped up in that bottle for a thousand years really takes it out of you. I’m going to need to do some research to get my groove back. My people tell me that there are new developments in human sexuality, or so I am told by the algorithm.”
Analysis: The joke plays on the modern dependence on technology and information, even for something as intimate as sex.
Did You Know? (Genie-Related Fact)
“Did you know that the word “genie” comes from the Arabic word “jinn”? In Islamic folklore, jinn are spirits that possess free will and can be either good or evil. So, next time you find a lamp, remember that getting wishes granted is just one possible outcome – you could also end up with a mischievous entity playing pranks on you for the rest of your life…which, come to think of it, might be more entertaining than a million dollars a year.”
New Joke: Genie’s Therapy
A genie goes to therapy. “Doctor,” he laments, “I’m just so tired of granting wishes. It’s the same thing every time: ‘More money! More power! I want to be younger!’ Nobody ever wishes for, like, world peace, or an end to suffering. Am I just a glorified vending machine for shallow desires?”
The therapist nods sympathetically. “It sounds like you’re experiencing ‘wish fatigue.’ Perhaps you should try setting some boundaries. For example, next time someone asks for immortality, ask them if they’ve really thought through the consequences of living through the rise of Skynet or watching the universe succumb to heat death.”
Analysis: The setup turns the trope of the genie on its head. The joke lies in the contrast between the expectation of limitless power and the reality of existential ennui.