The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard."
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard."
The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "For fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
by susan j
Joke Poo: The Case of the Missing Loafers
The detective says to the prime suspect, a renowned fashion designer, “You are accused of sabotaging your rival’s show by stealing his most prized possession: a pair of custom-made Italian loafers.”
A voice from the gallery shouts, “The nerve!”
The detective continues, “You are also accused of replacing them with identical-looking, but horribly uncomfortable, knock-offs made of recycled tires.”
The voice yells again, “You absolute monster!”
The detective pauses, looking towards the heckler. “Sir, I appreciate your passion for justice, but any further interruptions and I will have you removed for disrupting court proceedings. Understand?”
The man in the gallery rises, sputtering. “For twenty years, I’ve begged him to design me a decent pair of walking shoes! Every time, he’d say he was too busy crafting ‘unique, expressive footwear!’ And now this?! Over a pair of loafers?!”
Okay, let’s dissect this dark humor joke and then hammer out some new comedic gold.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Elements:
- Misdirection: The setup leads us to believe the man in the back is outraged by the violence of the crimes.
- Irony: The true source of his anger is the defendant’s chronic denial of owning a hammer, a seemingly trivial detail compared to the homicides.
- Contrast: The stark contrast between the gravity of murder and the pettiness of hammer-borrowing creates the comedic tension.
- Cynicism: The joke implies a certain cynicism about human nature – that we’re sometimes more upset by inconveniences than by profound injustice.
Factual Tidbit Inspiration:
Let’s focus on the hammer. Did you know that the oldest known hammer was discovered in Pennsylvania, USA? It dates back to around 10,000 BC and was made of antler. Imagine that! 12,000 years of hammer-denial frustration brewing!
New Comedic Creation (Witty Observation):
The real tragedy of the hammerless homicide isn’t the loss of life; it’s the confirmation that people prioritize tool ownership over neighborly relations. I mean, who are we, pre-industrial capitalists hoarding resources during the stone age? It’s just a hammer, people, not a Bitcoin.
New Comedic Creation (Amusing ‘Did You Know’):
Did you know that the Finnish word for hammer, ‘vasara,’ is also a reasonably common surname? So, technically, the guy in the back of the courtroom could have been named Mr. Vasara and be equally upset at the denied loan because now he doesn’t have a reason to hammer.
New Joke:
Why did the judge sentence the hammer-denying murderer to community service at the hardware store?
Because he wanted to teach him the true meaning of sharing. Also, he suspected the defendant was hoarding all the good claw hammers for some nefarious home-improvement scheme.
Why This Works:
By latching onto the hammer element, and playing on the absurdity of its importance in the joke, we can mine new comedic value. Highlighting the triviality of the issue while also implying underlying motives adds to the humor.