"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
Joke Poo: The IT Hotline
“Hello, you’ve reached the Nerds On Call IT Help Desk, my name is Kevin. How can I help you?”
“Hi Kevin, I’m in a real bind and desperately need your expertise. I’ve been suspecting for a while now that my computer has been compromised. You know, the typical signs: Random pop-ups advertising things I’ve never searched for, the hard drive constantly whirring, and my browser acting sluggish. I’ve tried running virus scans, but they always seem to stall halfway through. Anyway, last night I decided to keep an eye on things. I stayed up late, ostensibly working on a project, but really monitoring the network activity. Around 2 AM, I noticed a massive data upload happening. So, I hid under my desk, behind my collection of Funko Pops, and waited for it to finish. When the upload finally stopped, I saw a new process running that I didn’t recognize, labeled ‘Kernel Updater.’ Then, it started changing all my desktop icons into pictures of cats wearing tiny hats. It was at that moment, while contorted under the desk, that I noticed my ethernet cable was only hanging on by a thread. Is that something I can just shove back in, or do I need a whole new cable?”
Alright, let’s break down this joke and then build something funnier (or at least, adjacent to funny) from its bones.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: Man calls a helpline with a serious marital problem: suspicion of infidelity.
- Exaggeration: The signs of infidelity are the typical tropes.
- Misdirection: The long, detailed description of the wife’s suspicious behavior builds tension towards an expected emotional outburst or a question about the relationship.
- Punchline: The man completely disregards the obvious marital issues and focuses entirely on a trivial (and unrelated) boat repair problem. This incongruity is the core of the humor. The focus shift is absurd and unexpected.
- Theme: Apathy, avoidance, perhaps a commentary on some men’s tendency to focus on tangible problems to avoid emotional ones.
Key Elements:
- Men’s Helpline: A specific (though often fictionalized in jokes) resource for male issues.
- Infidelity: A common and emotionally charged subject.
- Boat/Outboard Motor: A traditionally masculine hobby/possession, representing the man’s comfort zone.
- Hairline Crack: Represents the man’s ability to be focused on tiny inconsequential details compared to the big issue.
- Welding vs. Replacement: This is the heart of the joke, encapsulating the male stereotype to fix things rather than address emotions.
Comedic Enrichment – Option 1: Amusing ‘Did You Know?’
“Did you know? Studies have shown that men are 47% more likely to consult YouTube for a tutorial on welding a boat bracket than to discuss their marital problems with a trained professional. Furthermore, the average YouTube video on boat repair is approximately 23 minutes long, which, coincidentally, is also the average length of time it takes a man to avoid initiating a difficult conversation with his wife.”
Comedic Enrichment – Option 2: New (Related) Joke:
A man calls the Men’s Helpline. “Hi, Bob? My wife says I never listen to her. She claims I’m completely oblivious to her emotional needs.”
Bob replies, “Okay, I understand. Can you give me an example?”
The man pauses. “Sure. Just last week, she told me she felt like our marriage was a sinking ship. Naturally, I immediately checked the bilge pump. Is a 500 GPH pump sufficient for a vessel of this size, or should I upgrade to a 1000?”
Comedic Enrichment – Option 3: Witty Observation:
It’s been said that a man’s boat is his mistress. The joke is, sometimes the boat is more faithful than the mistress. And certainly easier to troubleshoot. At least you can usually find the parts online.
Why these work:
These options all play off the original joke’s core themes: avoidance of emotional problems, prioritization of practical tasks, and the perceived tendency of some men to focus on tangible solutions over addressing deeper issues. The “Did You Know?” uses mock statistics to amplify the absurdity. The new joke simply provides a different angle on the same core comedic premise. The witty observation uses a simple comparison for humor.