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How does Lightning McQueen masturbate?

Posted on July 22, 2025 by Joke Poo

Carjacking

Edit: these comments are elite, good job y’all

Joke Poo:

How does a constipated centipede get relief?

…It takes a stool softener and logs out.

Alright, let’s break down this joke and then rev it up with some comedic enrichment!

Joke Dissection:

  • Core Concept: The joke hinges on a double entendre, playing on the name “Carjacking” as both a crime (stealing a car) and a suggestive action.
  • Key Element 1: Lightning McQueen: This immediately sets a context. We’re dealing with the “Cars” universe, personified vehicles.
  • Key Element 2: Masturbation: A taboo subject, especially when anthropomorphized to cars. The humor derives from the unexpected application to a non-human entity.
  • Key Element 3: Carjacking (double meaning): This is the punchline. It cleverly links the vehicle context to a sexually suggestive act, creating incongruity and surprise.

Comedic Enrichment:

Now, let’s use some factual or interesting tidbits about cars or auto racing to build on this:

Approach 1: Expanding on Lightning McQueen

  • Fact: Lightning McQueen’s design is a blend of stock car and Le Mans prototype features.

  • New Joke: Why was Lightning McQueen so bad at French class? He kept trying to “Le Mans” himself in the corner.

Approach 2: Playing with Automotive Terminology

  • Fact: “Engine knocking” is a common engine problem caused by irregular combustion.

  • Witty Observation: I tried telling my car a joke about “Carjacking.” It just started engine knocking. Guess it was too soon.

Approach 3: Combining Lightning McQueen with Auto Racing Facts

  • Fact: NASCAR drivers experience G-forces during races.

  • New Joke: Heard Lightning McQueen had to pull out of the Piston Cup. Said he was experiencing some serious G-Forces…in private.

Approach 4: “Did you Know” Format

  • Fact: Car theft, or “carjacking,” is a serious crime that can carry severe penalties.

  • Amusing “Did You Know”: Did you know that when Lightning McQueen gets “Carjacked,” it’s technically a victimless crime, and a really, really weird mental image?

My Choice and Explanation:

I like the “Amusing Did You Know” the best. It’s subtly absurd, builds directly on the original joke’s premise, and adds a layer of meta-commentary on the joke itself. It avoids being overtly vulgar while still acknowledging the source material. It also highlights the weirdness of applying human concepts to anthropomorphic vehicles.

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