Skip to content
Joke Poo
Menu
  • Home
    • The Enduring Power of a Good Joke
  • Categories
    • Totally Feckin random
    • Why Did
    • Long
    • Wife
    • Walks into a bar
    • Dog
    • Bartender
    • Husband
    • Doctor
    • Chicken
  • Privacy Policy
Menu
Joke Poo

I came back home from work one day, and was greeted by my wife wearing sexy lingerie. She handed me some lacy ties, and said in a low erotic voice: “Tie me up to bed, and do whatever you want.”

Posted on June 28, 2025 by Joke Poo

So I did… and went golfing.

Joke Poo: The Bake-Off

I came back home from filming Great British Bake Off one day, and was greeted by Prue Leith wearing a sequined jumpsuit. She handed me some pastry bags filled with buttercream, and said in a low, velvety voice: “Pipe me onto that Victoria Sponge, and do whatever you want.”

So I did… and started judging her technical challenge.

Okay, let’s break down this joke and then build on it.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: The setup establishes a classic scenario: the wife’s seductive invitation suggests an evening of intimate activities. The use of lingerie and a suggestive tone builds anticipation.
  • Expectation: The audience expects the husband to engage in a sexual encounter. The setup is designed to lead the listener down this path.
  • Punchline: The punchline, "So I did… and went golfing," subverts the expectation. The husband interprets "do whatever you want" literally and chooses a completely unrelated, self-indulgent activity.
  • Humor: The humor arises from the incongruity between the wife’s romantic intention and the husband’s practical interpretation, along with a hint of selfishness. It’s funny because it’s unexpected and slightly absurd.

Key Elements:

  • Seduction/Intimacy: The romantic/sexual element, represented by lingerie and suggestive language.
  • Misinterpretation: The core of the joke lies in the husband’s misinterpretation of the wife’s intent.
  • Golf: The contrasting activity, standing in for personal leisure or escape.

Humorous Enrichment & New Joke Ideas:

Let’s use some interesting facts about the key elements to create new humor:

1. Golf Fact-Based Amusements:

  • Did you know? The average golfer walks about 5-6 miles during an 18-hole round. So, technically, that husband was getting a good workout, just not the kind his wife had in mind. Maybe he should have worn her lingerie for extra ventilation.

  • New Joke: I told my wife I was going to "work on my short game" tonight. She got really excited until I pulled out my putter and headed to the mini-golf course. Turns out, "short game" means something different to her.

2. Lingerie & Misinterpretation Humor:

  • Did you know? Lingerie sales often spike before Valentine’s Day, but also after major championship golf tournaments. It’s either a celebration or a consolation prize.

  • New Joke: My wife was wearing this ridiculously expensive lingerie. I said, "Wow, that’s fancy! What am I supposed to do with that?" She said, "It’s for your enjoyment!" So, naturally, I started using it to polish my golf clubs. Keeps the shafts looking pristine.

3. Elevated Golfing Joke with Philosophy:

  • Philosophical Insight: Golfing can be seen as an exercise in frustration and acceptance. Much like marriage!
  • New Joke: My wife tied me up in bed and said, "Tonight, you will face your greatest challenge!" I thought she meant something romantic. Turns out, she just wanted me to watch a PGA tournament on TV and try to explain why a grown man would spend hours chasing a tiny white ball into a hole. Existential dread hit me harder than a sand trap.

4. Self-Deprecating take on the first joke:

My wife came home wearing lingerie. After the kids were finally asleep, she looked at me and in a quiet, romantic tone said “Tie me to the bed, do whatever you want…” So I played Starfield and finally got the Mantis Armor.

Todays SH1T Jokes

  • “I’d like to see your lunch menu”, I told the waiter
  • I accidentally spilled a bottle of glue all over my vacation itinerary.
  • So after 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife went to see a therapist.
  • The Madam opened the brothel door in New York
  • The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
  • I just found out my wife has a twin sister.
  • Jesus and the old man…
  • What do you call a paper airplane that doesn’t fly?
  • A Wife Asks a Question to Her Husband
  • I bought a pack of biscuits, on the side it said, “Eat me big boy.”
  • What is a wok?
  • Racism exists in the oceanographic community.
  • Why are you right handed?
  • How does Lightning McQueen masturbate?
  • I recently found out they don’t have the real Mona Lisa in the Louvre
  • I saw a woman wearing short shorts that had a NASCAR logo.
  • A redneck had just been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge
  • An engineer wakes up in hell and thinks to himself. I’ve been a good person. I shouldn’t be here.
  • Two teenage church-goers get married.
  • As I walked into work this morning my colleague said, “Dave, you look like shit.”
  • A guy picks up a woman at a bar. After a couple of drinks they go to his place…
  • My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic..
  • The boss was confused when one of his most reliable employees didn’t show up for work.
  • A man is doing 20 over the speed limit on the highway when a cop pulls him over.
  • Accent misjudged
  • The speeding biker
  • My boss told me to have a good day…
  • Came up with this one while sitting in traffic: What’s a whiskey drinkers favorite car?
  • What do you call a cow with no legs?
  • An older couple were lying in bed one night.
  • At dinner, little Timmy was asked by his father to lead the prayer.
  • A joke I made up in third grade: How does a skunk protect himself from danger?
  • Captain Kirk. Peter Pan. Lestat De Lioncourt. Miss Marple. Don Draper. The Three Little Pigs. Robin Hood. Daffy Duck. Optimus Prime. Bilbo Baggins. Count Dracula. Han Solo. Jack and Diane. Elmo. Pikachu. Jean Valjean. Snow White.
  • A joke for reddit
  • A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary.
  • I said to the doctor “That haemorrhoid cream you prescribed for me is causing some unpleasant reactions”.
  • A woman hits a chicken as it’s crossing the road.
  • A 50yo Woman Goes in for Cancer Surgery
  • “Son, I found a condom in your room.”
  • Interviewer: “How much amount of milk does your cow produce?”. Farmer: “Which one, black one or white one?”
  • MENSA has started administering a new type of test that scans your social media posts determine your functional IQ.
  • A woman cheats on her husband
  • Hello, you have reached the Men’s Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?
  • A man rubs a magic lamp, and a genie appears.
  • A Guy Meets An Actor
  • Frank and the Chili Cook off
  • On his first day at work, an apprentice butcher was ordered to chop up some rabbit carcasses for display in the shop window.
  • Why did the condom fly across the room?
  • When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue
  • “Pain” denotes the ache an Englishman feels

Categories

  • "Walks into a bar"
  • Bartender
  • Blonde
  • Chicken
  • Dirty
  • Doctor
  • Dog
  • Heaven
  • Husband
  • Irishman
  • Knock Knock
  • Knock-Knock Joke
  • Lawyer
  • Lightbulb
  • Long
  • Mother-in-law
  • Politician
  • Priest
  • Religion
  • Totally Feckin random
  • Walks into a bar
  • What's the difference
  • Why Did
  • Wife
©2025 Joke Poo | Design: Newspaperly WordPress Theme