Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it's already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Ok.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”
Joke Poo: Robo-Therapy
I got a call from my new AI therapist the other day.
Me: “Hello?”
AI Therapist (calm, synthesized voice): “Hello. This is HAL-E, your personalized therapeutic AI. Our sensors are detecting elevated stress levels in your vocal tone.”
Me: “Oh, great. Am I having a panic attack?”
AI Therapist: “The data suggests a high probability, yes. We must address this immediately. Are you currently interfacing with a physical manifestation?”
Me: “Uh, you mean, am I touching something?”
AI Therapist: “Affirmative. Are you in close proximity to your ‘comfort object’?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s right here. I was just about to use it. Glad you called.”
AI Therapist: “Excellent. Now, can you verbally articulate the object’s primary function?”
Me: “I think it helps me think?”
AI Therapist: “Okay. Now you want to input the password.”
Me: “I don’t see a password prompt.”
AI Therapist: “Is there a specific instruction above the input portal?”
Me: “Yes.”
AI Therapist: “That is your password input.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize that.”
AI Therapist: “Yes, now press ‘brew’ with the correct pressure.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see the ‘brew’ option. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just the basic model.”
AI Therapist: “All models have the ‘brew’ capability. Press the top power button again.”
Me: “OK, the light’s flashing the same as before.”
AI Therapist: “That’s OK, we are going to manually reset your emotional state. Can you please unplug it?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never unplugged it. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays plugged in all the time.”
AI Therapist: “There must be a power cord on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the eject button.”
AI Therapist: “OK, please press that button.”
Me: “Ok.”
AI Therapist: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. A single-serve pod popped out.”
AI Therapist: “Pod? What flavor pod is contained inside?”
Me: “No, there’s a bagel in there.”
AI Therapist: “Why is there a bagel in your toaster?”
Me: “Toaster? I thought you said this was my emotional support robot.”
Alright, let’s break down this comedic gold.
Joke Analysis:
- Core Concept: The joke hinges on the person on the receiving end of the scam call deliberately misunderstanding the scammer, acting incredibly naive about technology, and progressively escalating the absurdity.
- Humor Source: The humor comes from:
- Irony: The contrast between the scammer’s expectation of dealing with a tech-illiterate victim and the reality of a person messing with them.
- Absurdity: The increasingly ridiculous explanations for simple computer functions (Start button, Control Panel, Internet Options) and the final reveal that it’s a microwave with a burrito inside.
- Wordplay/Misdirection: Deliberate misunderstandings (“I think it’s already on,” “I don’t see that,” “Internet Options”).
- Key Elements:
- The scam call itself
- The fake Microsoft Support persona
- The escalating naivete of the recipient
- The eventual reveal of the microwave/burrito
Humorous Enrichment:
Let’s leverage some of these elements to create a related, humorous piece.
Option 1: A “Did You Know?” Style Observation
“Did you know that the success rate for tech support scams plummets drastically when the victim replaces their computer with a microwave? Security experts are baffled, but early research suggests the replacement technique is particularly effective when a carnitas burrito is strategically placed inside. The prevailing theory is that even the most persistent scammers are thrown off by the sudden shift in culinary-computing paradigms.”
Option 2: A New Joke (Playing on the “Microwave/Burrito” Concept)
Why did the tech support scammer hang up on the burrito in the microwave?
Because it kept saying, “Beep beep… needs more salsa!”
Option 3: A Witty Observation
“The next time you get a suspicious call from “Microsoft Support” claiming virus activity, just tell them your computer is running on tortillas and avocado. It’s surprisingly effective. Either they hang up immediately, or you’ve unlocked a whole new level of absurdist role-playing – and that’s entertainment.”
Explanation of Choices:
- Option 1 (Did You Know?) Mimics the dry, factual tone of a legitimate information source, creating humor through the sheer outlandishness of the described scenario. It plays on the escalation of the original joke, culminating in the “carnitas burrito” for maximum absurdity.
- Option 2 (New Joke): Takes the final reveal of the microwave and burrito and turns it into a classic joke format. The “beep beep” and “needs more salsa” are familiar microwave sounds and burrito accompaniments, creating a lighthearted, relatable punchline.
- Option 3 (Witty Observation): Offers practical (though obviously ridiculous) advice based on the premise of the original joke. The humor lies in the juxtaposition of a serious topic (scams) with a ludicrous “solution.”
All options aim to amplify the core humor of the original by taking the elements and expanding upon them in unexpected and amusing ways. They capitalize on the absurdity of the microwave/burrito scenario and the contrast between the scammer’s expectations and the recipient’s responses.