This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in India? How's the weather there today?"
" No, sir – MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning……"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
Joke Poo: The Psychic Hotline
I got a call this morning from a very enthusiastic woman claiming to be psychic.
This is how it went:
“Hello darling, how are you feeling today?”
“I’m alright, thanks. And who is this? More importantly, how did you get this number? I haven’t had a phone in years”
“It’s Madame Evangeline, sweetie, from the Psychic Hotline! I’m sensing a lot of turmoil around you…”
“The Psychic Hotline, eh? Is that a suburb in Boca Raton? Is it humid there today?”
“No, darling – the PSYCHIC Hotline! I’m calling because I’m seeing some… disturbances in your aura and-“
“REALLY?? Well, that’s quite concerning…”
“Yes, sweetie, very serious. But thankfully, I can help you clear them. Now, if you just tell me your date of-“
“No, I mean it’s concerning because I don’t HAVE an aura.”
“You don’t?”
“Nope.”
“Ahh, it must be a problem with your astral body then, dear-“
“Don’t have one.”
“Spirit guide?”
“Nada.”
“Past life?”
“Nope, never lived one of those. As a matter of fact, I don’t even have a physical form.”
After a few seconds of silence she said, “Ah, you’re messing with me, aren’t you?!”
I said, “Well, you started it!!” and disconnected my spirit link.
Alright, let’s break down this joke and then inject some comedic enrichment.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: The joke establishes a classic scenario: a tech support scammer calling from India, impersonating Microsoft.
- Humor Type: It primarily relies on irony, absurdity, and a bit of dry wit. The humor stems from the protagonist’s escalating levels of ridiculousness in denying the existence of any technology, culminating in the admission of lying.
- Key Elements:
- Tech Support Scammer: The stereotypical figure of someone from overseas pretending to be a tech expert.
- Exaggerated Ignorance: The protagonist feigns extreme technological illiteracy.
- Role Reversal: The caller, typically the manipulator, ends up accusing the victim of lying.
- “You Started It!”: The punchline justifies the lie as retaliation for the scam attempt.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s leverage some facts about tech support scams and India to create a new humorous take.
New Witty Observation:
I always thought it was odd that these tech support guys from Microsoft always seem to call when you’re conveniently near your computer. I mean, the sheer probability of them randomly phoning just as I’m struggling with, say, a printer driver that’s gone rogue is astounding! It’s like they have an algorithm that detects printer-induced frustration levels, factoring in age, income bracket, and the proximity of sharp objects in the room. In fact, I think I’ve just described how Microsoft actually makes money.
Amusing “Did You Know” (with a punchline):
Did you know that the IT industry in India contributes a significant percentage to the country’s GDP? It’s a booming sector. However, a slightly smaller percentage comes from pretending to be the IT industry… to people who are only too happy to admit they don’t own a computer. I wonder if their annual reports distinguish between genuine tech support and advanced techniques of detecting the existence of electronic hardware through sheer force of repeated questioning?
New Joke:
Why did the Indian tech support scammer cross the road?
To get to the other side and ask if the person there also didn’t own a computer. He was on a mission to find someone he could actually scam.
(Alternate punchline) Because his boss told him if he didn’t find one person in America who admitted to owning anything electronic by the end of the week, he was getting outsourced to a call center selling timeshares to people in Antarctica.
Explanation of Creative Choices:
- The “witty observation” plays on the irony of the scammer’s timing and implies a sinister, data-driven element to their operation.
- The “Did You Know” statement highlights the real economic contribution of the IT industry in India while humorously contrasting it with the less reputable scam activity.
- The “New Joke” directly references the premise of the original joke but with a more absurd and self-deprecating twist. The alternate punchline adds another layer of absurdity by exaggerating the pressure the scammer faces.