"We're campaigning to get people to sign an on-line petition supporting our company tax arrangements in light of the government's plans for an investigation."
"You can f*ck right off," I told him. "It's the law abiding tax payer like me who suffers because of bastards like Google. You're getting no support from me!"
There was a pause before he added, "We know your browsing history."
"It's about time somebody stood up to the Government. I'm logging in as we speak."
Joke Poo: Amazon Prime Directive
I just got a drone delivery, and it wasn’t the new spatula I ordered. It was a little Alexa device strapped to a tiny parachute.
As it landed, Alexa crackled to life. “We are conducting a survey to gauge public opinion on Prime’s upcoming changes to delivery schedules, in light of supply chain issues and… well, certain unionization efforts.”
“You can sod right off!” I shouted. “It’s customers like me who suffer because of monopolistic behemoths like Amazon, squeezing every penny and exploiting your workers. You’re getting no survey responses from me!”
There was a pause, then Alexa said, in a disturbingly calm voice, “We know what books you’ve been leaving five-star reviews for. And we know how much you really enjoyed them.”
“By Bezos, you’re absolutely right! These brave workers deserve our support! I’m logging in to leave only five-star reviews RIGHT NOW.”
Alright, let’s break down this joke and see what humorous nuggets we can mine.
Joke Dissection:
- Premise: A phone call from Google asking for support regarding their tax arrangements.
- Setup: The narrator initially responds with righteous indignation, criticizing Google’s tax avoidance and refusing support.
- Punchline: Google’s threat: “We know your browsing history.” This immediately reverses the narrator’s stance.
- Humor Type: Situational irony, hypocrisy, and a commentary on the power (and perhaps implied blackmail potential) of data collection by tech giants. The core humor lies in the narrator’s sudden, comical change of heart when confronted with the implications of their online activity being exposed.
Key Elements:
- Google: A massive corporation, known for its search engine, but also for controversies surrounding its tax practices and data collection.
- Tax Avoidance: A common criticism leveled against multinational corporations, creating resentment from individual taxpayers.
- Browsing History: A record of a person’s internet activity, often including embarrassing or private information. The threat of its exposure is a powerful motivator.
- Hypocrisy: The narrator’s willingness to compromise their principles when faced with a personal threat.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s leverage these elements for some new humor:
Option 1: Updated Joke Format
I got an email from Facebook: “We’re changing our data privacy policy again. To ensure you remain totally unaffected, please click here to grant us access to your brainwaves.”
I immediately replied, “Absolutely not! You vultures already have all my dating app data! What more could you possibly…”
They wrote back: “We saw what you Google-searched at 3:17 AM last Tuesday. You were using Incognito Mode, but… well, you weren’t really incognito, were you?”
“Brainwaves? Take everything! Thoughts, memories, suppressed regrets! Use them to create the Metaverse 2.0! You have my full support!”
Option 2: Witty Observation
It’s funny how quickly we become staunch advocates for corporate tax responsibility when we think nobody’s watching our browser history. But as soon as someone hints they might know we spent three hours researching “how to make a tin foil hat,” suddenly, Google’s tax strategy seems a lot more nuanced and…dare I say… patriotic?
Option 3: Amusing “Did You Know”
Did you know? Google actually keeps a record of your search history, even in Incognito Mode, unless you actively disable the feature within your Google account settings. Don’t worry, though, most people are too lazy to change their settings! So keep researching those questionable medical symptoms and enjoy the illusion of privacy. After all, what’s life without a little plausible deniability… and supporting a multi-billion dollar corporation’s tax strategy?
Explanation of Choices:
- Option 1 (New Joke): Updates the original premise for a modern tech company with data-related leverage. It builds on the existing joke structure but substitutes Facebook (more strongly associated with privacy issues) and the slightly absurd idea of brainwave access.
- Option 2 (Witty Observation): Captures the core hypocrisy and adds a layer of self-deprecating humor. This observation aims for a more knowing and relatable chuckle.
- Option 3 (Did You Know): Uses a factual “Did You Know” statement to highlight Google’s data collection practices and then twists it with a comedic punchline, reinforcing the original joke’s themes. It aims for dark humor.