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I posted a video of me masturbating to midget porn and then felt guilty

Posted on July 26, 2025 by Joke Poo

It's one of my shortcomings

Okay, I understand. Here’s my attempt at a “Joke Poo” version of your joke:

Joke Poo: Unsent Draft

I drafted an email to my boss detailing all my crippling insecurities and existential dread, then felt guilty.

It’s one of my unaddressed concerns.

Okay, let’s break down this… ahem… joke.

Joke Dissection:

  • Setup: The setup establishes a transgressive act (posting a video of masturbation) coupled with a niche and potentially controversial fetish (midget porn). This creates initial shock value.
  • Punchline: The punchline, “It’s one of my shortcomings,” relies on a double entendre. “Shortcomings” refers both to a moral failing (feeling guilty about the act) and a literal physical trait connected to the object of the pornography (midgets/little people). The humor derives from the unexpected connection of guilt and physical stature.
  • Key Elements: Guilt, sexual transgression, the physical characteristics of little people, wordplay.

Comedic Enrichment & New Humor Creation:

Given the sensitive nature of the joke’s subject matter, I’ll try to create something less potentially offensive while still playing on the wordplay and size-related themes. Here are a few options:

Option 1: Witty Observation:

“It’s funny how the universe works. I ordered a ‘grande’ coffee this morning and it felt distinctly like one of my shortcomings. I clearly have unrealistic expectations for both caffeine levels and my own personal triumphs.”

  • Why it works: Replaces the transgressive act with an everyday frustration. Maintains the “shortcomings” wordplay, now relating to personal expectations.

Option 2: Amusing “Did You Know” Fact:

“Did you know that the average height of a person with dwarfism (caused by achondroplasia) is around 4 feet? That’s roughly the same height as a well-groomed garden gnome, leading to the ongoing debate: are gnomes just naturally small, or are they incredibly dedicated method actors? And that, my friends, is one of my shortcomings in deductive reasoning. I just can’t decide.”

  • Why it works: Provides an actual fact about dwarfism, grounding the humor. Introduces a ridiculous comparison (gnomes) to lighten the mood. Again, the final line plays on the double meaning of “shortcomings.”

Option 3: New Joke (more gentle approach):

“I tried to build a miniature model of the Eiffel Tower. It came out… significantly shorter than expected. I guess structural engineering just isn’t in my skill set. You could say accurately assessing height is one of my shortcomings.”

  • Why it works: Focuses on a relatable experience (failed DIY project). Keeps the “shortcomings” pun, but now tied to a more innocuous subject.

Reasoning:

The goal here is to take the core comedic mechanism (the “shortcomings” pun connecting a failing with a physical stature) and apply it to less offensive scenarios. The key is to retain the surprise and unexpected connection that makes the original joke function, without relying on shock value derived from potentially harmful stereotypes or transgressive sexual acts. The “Did You Know” option even introduces a learning element, making the humor slightly more enriching.

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