"What is it?" she asked.
"I took 250 out of your purse last night."
"Gosh," she said, "You nearly gave me a heart attack, I thought you was going to tell me that you've slept with another woman."
"It was for a prostitute."
Joke Poo: The Investment
I said to my business partner, “Sit down, I’ve got something to tell you.”
“What is it?” he asked, visibly nervous.
“I used the company account to buy 5,000 shares of that new meme stock everyone’s talking about.”
“Gosh,” he sighed, wiping his brow, “You nearly gave me a heart attack, I thought you were going to tell me we were being audited by the IRS.”
“We are,” I said. “The shares were worthless.”
Okay, let’s break down this joke.
Core Elements:
- Setup: The classic “sit down, I have something to tell you” signals serious news. The wife anticipates relationship-threatening information.
- Misdirection/Subversion: The initial confession of theft ($250) is presented as the shocking revelation.
- Escalation/Punchline: The admission of infidelity (via prostitute, paid for with the stolen money) dwarfs the initial ‘crime’ of theft, revealing a much deeper issue and a twisted sense of priorities.
- Irony: The wife’s relief at not hearing about another woman is immediately shattered by the actual reason for the money being taken. The joke exposes the husband’s absurdity and disregard for her feelings.
Factual/Interesting Tidbits to Play On:
- Prostitution Laws: Laws vary WILDLY. In some places, it’s the buyer who faces charges, not the seller. This can be used for comedic irony.
- The Psychology of Infidelity: Studies show that opportunity, personality, and dissatisfaction play key roles. The joke implies opportunity (the wife’s purse) and hints at dissatisfaction (the infidelity).
- Divorce Rates & Money: Financial disagreements are a leading cause of divorce. This theft, even before the prostitute reveal, is a huge red flag.
- Cost of Living: Prostitution prices vary greatly depending on location and services. $250 might be high or low depending on the city.
- Purse Economics: A woman’s purse is often seen as a black hole containing everything from old receipts to emergency snacks. The ease of stealing from a purse can be a relatable joke element.
New Humor Piece (A Witty Observation):
“That joke about the $250 and the prostitute? It’s basically modern economic theory applied to marriage. Men think the biggest problem is the tax (stealing from the purse). Women know the real GDP killer is the opportunity cost – in this case, a wasted evening and a potential STD.”
Alternate joke construction:
“I told my wife I had to tell her something. ‘I know, I took $250 from your purse last night.’
She sighed, relieved. ‘Thank God! I thought you were going to say you bought another NFT.’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘I used the money to buy an NFT… from an adult content creator.'”
Explanation:
- Leverages the joke structure but subs out the prostitute to an NFT
- The shift from money to infidelity is replaced by money to a pointless/wasteful purchase.
- Taps into cultural zeitgeist around NFTs.
Did You Know? (Amusing Fact):
“Did you know? Studies show that couples argue most about money and sex? That joke about the stolen $250 and the prostitute? It’s not just funny, it’s statistically probable marital discord in concentrated form.”