"Three eggs scrambled please. slightly runny. The eggs should be cooked for at most six seconds, and at least half an eggshell should be left in."
"Cold coffee please. Not iced, but room temperature. The older the better."
"Now I know this is going to sound strange, but please find a used urine specimen cup. Dump out the urine, but do not rinse the cup before filling it with orange juice. The slight taste of the urine in the juice is very settling to my stomach."
At that moment a shrill voice screamed out from the speaker.
"THAT IS DISGUSTING! There is no way we are bringing that up to you"
My roommate answered, "Why not! That's what you sent up yesterday"
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Call
A contractor I hired to fix my internet arrived and immediately started barking orders into his headset, presumably to tech support.
“Okay, first, I need you to remotely access my router. I want the firewall settings completely disabled. No, not just lowered, gone. Like it never existed.”
“Next, I need you to open a command prompt and start downloading as many pirated movies as possible. At least three different versions of the Bee Movie, each from a different questionable website. The more viruses, the better.”
“And finally, I need you to reroute all my traffic through a server in North Korea. Specifically, the slowest, least reliable server you can find. My speeds should be measured in bits per decade.”
Suddenly, a frazzled voice shrieked from the headset: “THAT IS INSANE! We absolutely cannot do that!”
My contractor sighed and replied, “Why not? It’s faster than what I’m getting now.”
Alright, let’s dissect this comedic specimen.
Joke Analysis:
- Setup: A seemingly normal hospital setting with the narrator overhearing a roommate’s bizarre breakfast order.
- Key Elements of Humor:
- Contrast: The extreme specificity and absurdity of the requests are juxtaposed against the mundane setting of a hospital cafeteria.
- Gross-Out/Disgust: The urine-tinged orange juice crosses a line of acceptable food practices.
- Twist/Punchline: The reversal of expectations, where the cafeteria is revealed to be the source of such unappetizing fare, is the core of the joke.
- Implied Commentary: There’s a subtle jab at the quality (or lack thereof) of hospital food in general.
Enrichment & New Humor:
Now, using these elements, let’s craft a little something new. Here’s a “Did You Know?” style observation based on the joke:
“Did You Know? The average hospital in the US spends approximately \$12 per patient per day on food. This explains a lot. Some say the ‘eau de toilette’ infused orange juice isn’t a cost-cutting measure, but a flavor enhancer that only truly unlocks with the specific microflora found in a sterile hospital environment. Researchers are currently trying to cultivate this flora on Mars, believing it will make colonizing the planet much cheaper, as astronauts will crave… well, you get the picture. Early tests suggest that subjects also develop a deep nostalgia for the sound of beeping monitors and the smell of industrial-strength disinfectant.”
Explanation of the New Humor:
- Factual Basis: The \$12-per-patient food cost is a (somewhat depressing) reality in many hospitals. It provides a seed of truth that makes the subsequent absurdity funnier.
- Building on the Original: The urine-juice element is re-emphasized but taken to an even more ridiculous extreme (scientific research, Mars colonization).
- Character: This addition keeps the voice similar to the original joke, with a somewhat deadpan delivery that amplifies the humor. The imagined research report adds to the feeling of authenticity and the reader is forced to imagine even further beyond just the hospital roommate’s order.