No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."
She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed … They can't figure her out.
She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her. The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit.
Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his 'willie' points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She smiles and says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
Joke Poo: The Weather Vane
An eccentric old inventor joins a remote mountain hiking group. He overhears them discussing the unpredictable weather and boasts, “I invented a device that can predict the weather with incredible accuracy. I’d be happy to hike with you next week and demonstrate.”
Nobody really believes him, but they don’t want to be rude. Finally, the group leader says, “Okay, but we start at 5:00 AM sharp to avoid the afternoon storms.”
He figures the early start will discourage the old coot. The inventor says this might be a problem and asks if he can be up to 30 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, “Fine.”
He’s there at 5:00 AM sharp the next week and correctly predicts a perfect hiking day, down to the exact wind speed and temperature fluctuations. He’s full of fascinating facts about atmospheric pressure and the hikers are impressed. They congratulate him and invite him back the following week. He smiles and says, “I’ll be there at 5:00, or 5:30.”
The next week he again shows up at 5:00 AM sharp. Only this time, his predictions are based entirely on folklore and old wives’ tales, and he still nails the forecast. The three hikers are incredulous. They can’t figure him out.
He’s very pleasant and shares interesting stories. They invite him back again, but each hiker harbors a burning desire to understand his methods. The third week, he’s 30 minutes late, which irritates the hikers.
This week, he uses complex mathematical equations and weather models, but his predictions are just as accurate. The hikers grumble that his late arrival is unnecessary gamesmanship on his part. However, he’s so humble and complimentary of their stamina, they can’t hold a grudge.
This inventor is a riddle no one can figure out. They stop for lunch and finally, one of the hikers asks him, “How do you decide which method you’re going to use to predict the weather each week?”
The inventor blushes, and grins. “When I was a boy, my grandfather, a master weather forecaster, taught me all sorts of predictive techniques.” he replies. “I like to switch it up.”
“When I got married, I discovered my wife is a deep sleeper. From then on, I developed a silly habit.
Right before I leave in the morning for the hike, I open the bedroom window. If her hair is pointing to the east, I use folklore. If it’s pointing to the west, I use mathematical models.”
The hikers think this is absurd.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the hikers asks, “What if her hair is pointing straight up?”
He smiles and says, “Then, I’m thirty minutes late.”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then come up with something new based on it.
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: A woman joins a men’s golf group, boasting skill. They try to discourage her with an early tee time.
- Twist 1: She’s good, consistently beating them.
- Twist 2: She alternates hands, making her unpredictable.
- Punchline: The method for deciding her hand is ludicrous and sexually suggestive, relating to her husband’s…morning wood (or lack thereof). The “15 minutes late” add-on delivers the final gag.
- Humor Source: Subversion of expectations (she’s good, not just a boast), the absurdity of the method, the implied details of the husband’s morning routine, and the men’s astonishment at this secret to success. There’s also a touch of societal commentary (men’s club being infiltrated).
Key Elements to Exploit:
- Golf: The game itself, its traditions, and its association with wealthy, older men.
- Ambidexterity: The unusual skill of using both hands equally well.
- Husband’s Nudity/Morning Wood: The suggestive element, the basis for the joke’s core absurdity.
- Statistical Improbability: The likelihood of such a system actually working, or the husband always pointing right or left.
New Humor – Witty Observation:
“That woman’s golf strategy is a perfect example of how men will accept any explanation, no matter how ridiculous, if it comes from a woman who consistently outperforms them at something they thought they were good at. I bet if she told them she aligned her putts using the phases of Jupiter’s moons they’d start checking astronomical charts before their backswing.”
Why this works:
- It pokes fun at male ego.
- It maintains the absurdity of the original joke by replacing the sexual element with another bizarre but plausible-sounding system.
- It adds a layer of social commentary by suggesting men are easily manipulated by successful women.
New Humor – A Joke:
Why did the statistician break up with the golfer who used her husband’s…ahem… “directional system” to choose her golf hand?
Because she ran the numbers, and the odds of the husband always pointing either left or right were astronomical. She suspected he was just faking it for the attention, and she couldn’t stand being part of such an improbable fib.
Why this works:
- It adds a layer of logical absurdity, creating humor through incongruity (applying statistics to such a silly situation).
- It introduces a new character (the statistician) with a contrasting personality.
- It suggests a motive for the husband, adding more context for the humour.
New Humor – A “Did You Know?”
Did you know that ambidextrous golfers are extremely rare, but not unheard of? In fact, some golf instructors actually recommend practicing with both hands to develop a more balanced swing and prevent injuries. However, none that we know of use the angle of their spouse’s…physical inclinations as their main decision-making process. We advise against it. Unless, of course, you’re looking for a new level of randomness and spousal irritation in your game. Then go nuts.
Why this works:
- It grounds the original joke in a bit of golf reality (ambidextrous golfers are a thing).
- It enhances the outlandishness of the original joke by contrasting it with rational training methods.
- It adds a humorous warning and a suggestion for increasing the annoyance in your marriage, leading to a self-deprecating and relevant punchline.