Jesus steps up and tees off, but the ball slices to the left and straight into the water trap. Jesus calmly walks out onto the water, takes his next shot and lands on the green.
Moses tees off and also slices it into the water trap. He walks up to the edge of the water, raises his hands and parts it, then takes his next shot landing on the green.
The old man tees off and slices it towards the water trap. But just before it lands in the water, a trout jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. Before the trout lands back in the water though, a hawk.swopps down and grabs the trout, tben starts flying off with it. After a moment, the trout manages to slip out of the talons of the hawk, falls and lands on the green. The ball pops out of the trout's mouth and rolls into the hole.
Jesus looks at the old man in disbelief and says "Oh for fuck sake Dad, if you aren't going to play properly then don't play at all!"
Joke Poo: The Tech Support Call
Title: The Tech Support Call
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and a frustrated grandma are on a conference call with tech support.
Gates explains his issue: “Every time I try to update my entire operating system across my global network, I get a momentary glitch that slows the process by 0.00001 seconds! It’s unacceptable!” He then snaps his fingers, and the technician on the other end instantly fixes it.
Jobs’ turn. “My phone’s user interface isn’t displaying the exact Pantone color of my preferred minimalist grey. The entire user experience is being compromised.” With a single, perfectly-timed sigh, the technician resolves the color discrepancy within nanoseconds.
The grandma pipes up, “Well, whenever I go on Google, that little rectangle keeps popping up! I click it, and it makes a funny sound!”
Suddenly, all the other technicians on the other end are frantically calling, “NO! DON’T TOUCH IT, GRANDMA! EVERYONE DISCONNECT THE SERVER!”
Alright, let’s dissect this divine tee-off and inject it with some extra comedic oomph!
Joke Breakdown:
- Premise: Jesus, Moses, and an old man are golfing. This immediately sets up a scenario with biblical figures, implying miraculous abilities are possible.
- Setup: Jesus and Moses use their respective biblical powers (walking on water, parting the Red Sea) to recover errant golf shots. This reinforces the premise and sets the expectation for something extraordinary from the old man.
- Punchline: The old man’s golf shot triggers a series of improbable events involving a trout, a hawk, and the ball miraculously landing in the hole. Jesus, exasperated, reveals the old man is his father, implying God is prone to even more absurd interventions than his son or Moses.
- Humor Derives From:
- Juxtaposition: Biblical figures in a mundane setting (golf) creating absurd interactions
- Theological Incongruity: Implying God is an unpredictable, possibly unfair, golfer.
- Subversion of Expectations: The humor escalates as each player one-ups the other with their supernatural feats.
Key Elements & Interesting Tidbits:
- Golf:
- Tidbit: The longest recorded golf drive in competition is 515 yards by Mike Austin in 1974. Imagine if God pulled that off!
- Jesus:
- Tidbit: The Gospels never actually describe how Jesus walked on water. Was it magic? Advanced levitation? We’ll never know!
- Moses:
- Tidbit: The parting of the Red Sea is still debated. Some theories suggest a strong wind (a “wind setdown” effect) could temporarily expose a shallow reef. Maybe Moses just had really good timing…and a powerful gust of wind.
- God (as the Old Man):
- Tidbit: In many religions, God is considered omnipotent (all-powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing). This joke plays on the idea that even omnipotence doesn’t guarantee a good golf game, or maybe God wants the most convoluted way for the ball to end up in the hole!
New Humor (Witty Observation):
“It’s interesting how golf is the only game where players consistently try to hit a small ball into a small hole, using instruments specifically designed to miss entirely. Maybe that’s why the divine are so fond of it – It mirrors faith, and all that blind trust”
New Joke (Building on the Original):
Jesus, Moses, and the Old Man are back on the 18th hole.
Jesus tees off, hits a perfect shot right at the pin, and the ball stops an inch away. “Couldn’t have done better myself,” He says, beaming.
Moses steps up and hits an even better shot – the ball curls around Jesus’s and taps it into the hole! “There!” he proclaims, “Who needs the law when you have skill!?”
The Old Man sighs, takes a mighty swing, and shanks the ball so far into the woods that it vanishes. They all search for hours. Finally, the Old Man yells, “Okay, everybody back to the clubhouse! I’ve declared it a mulligan. Now, who wants a beer?”
Jesus facepalms. “Father, you can’t just declare a mulligan on the entire hole! And that doesn’t even explain where the ball went!”
Moses shakes his head. “He creates the universe, controls the tides, and inspires entire religions… but can’t admit to a bad shot.”
Suddenly, a bear emerges from the woods, wearing a caddy bib, holding the golf ball on a tee. The bear bows, then runs back into the woods.
Moses and Jesus stare in disbelief.
The Old Man grins. “What? Never seen a divine intervention before? That bear owes me a favor.”
Why This Works:
- Continues the original’s theme of biblical figures in a mundane setting.
- Escalates the absurdity with the mulligan and the bear.
- Reinforces the idea of God as an unpredictable, and possibly mischievous, character.
- Uses interesting details of golf (the existence of Mulligans) and a humorous tidbit of the previous joke (Jesus being annoyed with God.)