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Category: Long

Pet Fish!

Posted on July 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

A man with two buckets of fish was leaving Galveston beach when a game warden stopped him. The warden asked, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied,…

An old lighthouse keeper was nearing retirement and decided to hire a younger man to take over for him when the time came.

Posted on July 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

He invited the young man for a tour of the structure, a tall building sitting on an isolated island miles away from shore. The voyage to the lighthouse was a rough one…

A farmer has been farting a lot.

Posted on July 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

He's been to several doctors, but none of them know what's wrong. Desperate, he reaches out to the local priest. He says, "Father, I don't believe in this religious mumbo jumbo, but…

A man & his wife are flying…

Posted on July 4, 2025 by Joke Poo

A man & his wife are flying in a 4-engine jumbo jet to vacation in the Bahamas. Soon after they depart the captain comes on the intercom and says "Good day ladies…

A guy in a fancy restaurant starts throwing up

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

The waiter comes running to the table, asking what's wrong, but the customer, still gasping for air, just points at the large soup bowl on the table, and waves his hand as…

A soldier dies and goes to hell… (old one)

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

… because of the "Thou shalt not kill" thing. He's standing at the front desk before a bespectacled demon with a huge ledger. The demon runs a finger down the list, finds…

Politician dies and gets to chose between Heaven and Hell (it’s not that one)

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

Politician dies and is given the choice between going to Heaven or Hell, but first he is given a tour of both places. The tour of Heaven goes as expected, it's all…

Father John and Blossom

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

I've had this one for a couple decades now. I think it still works. A newly ordained priest was assigned to a quaint little town and he arrived on a nice sunny…

What’s your greatest need?

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

The president of Slobbovia was running for re-election and held a rally in the small town of Hicknia. He yelled to the crowd, "I am here for you! What is your greatest…

Two fish are in a tank…

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Joke Poo

One turns to the other, "How long do you think this war's gonna last? We've been trudging along the seabed in this damn thing for way too long." "Not much longer I…

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • A married man spots a gorgeous woman in the supermarket and says, “Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife somewhere in these aisles… would you mind chatting with me for a bit?”
  • A young man walks into a pharmacy and asks for condoms…
  • An old lady goes to the doctor and says ‘doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past 5 minutes sitting here’
  • Girlfriend asked if she was fat so I proved my love in the most literal way
  • A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet
  • What’s the scariest thing a gun toting, pegging enthusiast, broke ass girlfriend can say to you?
  • Yo mama’s so fat… whenever she went to the circus…
  • What’s the difference between a guy at a gay bar, a Type 2 diabetic, and a job applicant at a construction site?
  • Patient goes to doctor for test results.
  • A farmer was selling apple seeds that were supposed to make you smarter.
  • A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He takes it outside to enjoy on the bench.
  • Two old friends run into each other on the street.
  • The burley gates of heaven
  • Did you hear about the price of chimneys these days?!
  • The Captain’s Red Shirt
  • Little Johnny’s neighbor
  • Horse
  • Your momma’s so fat…
  • I saw a dwarf climbing down a rope from a prison rooftop.
  • A Jewish woman came to her rabi, visibly upset.
  • Teacher asks Billy a math question
  • I find people can be so judgemental these days….
  • The butcher shop
  • September is Alzheimer’s awareness month
  • I saw a bison in the gym doing a workout the other day….
  • A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
  • Mexican Mayonnaise
  • I hate charging my electric car.
  • One day I called home and my kid answered. I asked where’s mom?
  • An old man comes to confession and says to the priest:
  • A Knock Knock Joke
  • What’s common between a testicular joke and testicular cancer?
  • A guy walks in a store looking to buy some beer
  • One afternoon, a teenage couple was on a hike in the woods.
  • Wish me luck, everyone! I have to meet with some people working at my bank in a few minutes. If all goes well I’ll pay off every debt I have, and still have enough to retire early.
  • A penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down…
  • Not all construction tasks are equally enjoyable.
  • In a carpenter’s workshop, one apprentice makes a bet that he can recognize any type of wood just by its smell. They blindfold him and hand him the first board… the apprentice smells it confidently and says: “Oak!”
  • I was admitted into the hospital and as I settled into my bed, I overheard my “roommate” using the speakerphone to order breakfast from the cafeteria
  • My mom went on vacation to Florida
  • School year is like pregnancy.
  • A man visits his lawyer
  • A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
  • Election results are like group project grades
  • A librarian is having a discussion with a cobra…
  • Job interview question: Why ask for a high salary with no experience?
  • The other day I needed to pay a visit to a public toilet
  • A man doesn’t come home from work Friday, instead he spends the whole weekend out fishing with his buddies.
  • A hunter walks into a pub and says that he is the greatest hunter, he can recognize any game animal by its fur, and if they show him the wound, he can even tell which weapon killed it in exchange for a drink.
  • Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

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