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Mommy, Mommy! Everyone in school calls me a vampire!

Posted on July 16, 2025 by Joke Poo

"Don't listen to that nonsense, sweetie. Now eat your soup before it clots."

Original Joke:

“Mommy, Mommy! Everyone in school calls me a vampire!”
“Don’t listen to that nonsense, sweetie. Now eat your soup before it clots.”

Joke Poo: Mommy, Mommy!

“Mommy, Mommy! Everyone at the pottery class says I’m just not getting the hang of it!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, dear! Now, finish your oatmeal before it hardens.”

Alright, let’s sink our teeth into this joke! (Pun intended, naturally).

Joke Dissection:

  • Premise: A child reports being called a vampire by classmates.
  • Punchline: The mother dismisses the bullying and then gives a vampiric command related to soup.
  • Humor: The humor lies in the mother’s nonchalant acceptance (or denial) of her child being a vampire, juxtaposed with a mundane, yet vampire-specific, instruction about soup “clotting.” The unexpectedness and implied acceptance of the supernatural within a domestic setting is key.
  • Key Elements:
    • Vampires
    • School/Bullying
    • Mother-Child Relationship
    • Soup (specifically clotting)
    • Implied supernatural domesticity

Enrichment and New Humor:

Let’s focus on the “soup clotting” element and the idea of domestic vampire life.

Did you know? While the joke relies on a simplified idea of blood clotting, the process is actually incredibly complex! Blood clotting, or coagulation, involves a cascade of about a dozen different proteins called clotting factors, each activating the next. This incredibly sophisticated system can be disrupted by various conditions, including hemophilia (where clotting is impaired) and even certain snake venoms that either induce or prevent clotting. Now, imagine a vampire who is also a hematologist…

New Joke/Witty Observation:

  • Joke: A vampire walks into a soup kitchen. He orders tomato soup, but complains, “It’s too thin! Can I get a Factor VIII supplement on the side? And perhaps a platelet transfusion?”

  • Witty Observation: “Modern vampires are surprisingly health-conscious. They’re all about organic, humanely-sourced plasma and are constantly worried about their cholesterol levels. Forget ‘clotting,’ it’s all about avoiding a clogged artery!”

Explanation of why it’s funny (hopefully!):

The new joke and observation build upon the original by:

  • Expanding on the “soup/clotting” element in a logical, yet absurd way.
  • Incorporating factual knowledge about blood and clotting, which creates humor from the unexpected combination of science and the supernatural.
  • Subverting the traditional image of a vampire. Instead of a menacing creature, we have a picky eater with a surprisingly detailed knowledge of hematology or a health-conscious plasma connoisseur. This unexpected twist is where the humor resides.

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