Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings, and a man engages the hands-free speaker. Everyone else stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello.”
WOMAN: “Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 — is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I found one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Lexie and found out the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK! I’ll see you later. I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room stare at him in total shock.
He turns and asks:
“Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Joke Poo: The Interdimensional Conference Call
A gaggle of interdimensional beings are participating in a conference call. One, a Bloopian delegate, accidentally hits the “mute” button on their translator, thinking it’s the volume. Everyone can still hear them, but the translator isn’t working.
BLOOP: “Glargon! Blorpitz floop-doop! Gliznork barfington!”
OTHER BEINGS (murmuring): “What is he saying? Is he declaring war? Requesting more Xylar?”
A second Bloopian (untranslated, but clearly a wife equivalent) cuts in: “Floopy-doo, Gloopy? Gliznorking at the Quantum Mall again? Splorg the antimatter handbag for 700 Quatloos? And the chroniton drive for the spaceship, a snort at only 50,000 Quatloos?”
BLOOP: “Splorgle, gloopy! But the trans-dimensional condo just re-opened. They’re asking 8 million quatloos! Gloopy’s Glargons, the whole thing! “
BLOOP wife: “Offer 7. Should be fine. If it’s what splorgle what you really wanna to splorg.”
BLOOP: “Flooptown! See you later. I love you forever”
BLOOP wife: “Flooptown!”
The call cuts out, leaving a room of shell-shocked interdimensional beings. A Zorgonian turns to the others.
“Anyone here speak Bloopian? And…is that MY universal credit card number she’s using?”
Alright, let’s dissect this locker room levity.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Premise: The humor hinges on misdirection and the contrast between outward appearance and reality. We’re set up to believe the man is wealthy and in control, generously giving his wife permission to make extravagant purchases.
- Surprise Ending: The punchline reveals that the man is not the owner of the phone, shattering the initial impression and highlighting the absurdity of the situation. It plays on the listener’s assumption of ownership based on the apparent authority with which he spoke.
- Key Elements:
- Wealth & Consumption: The expensive purchases (coat, car, house) paint a picture of affluence.
- Marital Relationship: The conversation implies a husband-wife dynamic, further solidifying the assumption of responsibility.
- Incongruity: The disconnect between the lavish spending and the eventual revelation creates the comedic effect.
- Eavesdropping: The scene of men listening in adds to the anticipation and impact of the punchline.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s focus on the “expensive car” element and weave in some related trivia for a new joke:
New Joke:
A Silicon Valley CEO is on a golf course, boasting to his buddies about his newest Tesla. “It’s incredible,” he says, “Self-driving, autopilot, voice-activated… I can even have it order me a pizza while I’m sinking a putt!”
Just then, his phone rings. It’s his wife. “Honey,” she says, “the self-driving feature went haywire, and the car drove straight into a lake!”
The CEO sighs, then says to his friends, “Anyone know a good underwater Tesla mechanic? And more importantly, whose phone is this? My Tesla is supposed to order pizza before driving into bodies of water, not the other way around.”
Explanation of the Changes:
- Replaced Mercedes with Tesla: Aligns with a more modern sense of wealth and status, particularly in tech circles.
- Added a Self-Driving Mishap: It plays on the current advancements and often-highlighted issues in the realm of self-driving technology, enhancing the absurdity.
- Adjusted the Punchline: Kept the core of the “wrong phone” punchline, but added a twist related to the Tesla’s advertised features, highlighting the ironic failure of the technology.
Amusing “Did You Know?” related to the car element:
Did you know? The Mercedes-Benz logo features a three-pointed star, representing the company’s ambition for universal motorization “on land, on water, and in the air.” So, theoretically, that $90,000 model should be able to handle a quick dip in the lake… although your insurance agent might disagree.
This enhances the original joke by adding another layer of irony: the car’s aspirational symbolism contrasting with the man’s actual situation.
Alternatively:
Did you know? Tesla’s founder, Elon Musk, has said that he wants to die on Mars, just not on impact. One can only hope the self-driving feature improves drastically before that trip! Maybe they need to invest in water-driving capabilities as well… just in case.