He says, "Sarah my bonny wife, I've a few things I need to tell you before I pass on. It's a matter of my honor, so you must remember exactly as i tell ye."
His wife says, "Oh aye, my husband. I'll remember every word."
MacGregor says, "First, remember that the Campbells owe us twelve chickens."
"I won't forget it."
"Second, the Macallans owe us twelve bushels of wheat."
"I'll remember well, my husband."
"Third, we owe the Wallaces five cows."
"Ach, would ye listen to the poor man rave!"
Joke Poo: Old Man Fitzwilliam and the Debts of a Nation
Old Man Fitzwilliam, the recently-retired Prime Minister, lay on his deathbed, his loyal Chief of Staff, Penelope, at his side.
He wheezed, “Penelope, my faithful servant of the people, I have some urgent fiscal matters that must be clarified before I meet my maker. It’s a matter of national solvency, so remember every detail precisely!”
Penelope, ever composed, replied, “Of course, Prime Minister. Every word will be etched in my memory.”
Fitzwilliam gasped, “First, remember the French owe us £500 million in agricultural subsidies they never repaid.”
“Noted, Prime Minister,” Penelope replied, scribbling furiously on her notepad.
“Second, the Americans owe us £1 billion for their overuse of our North Sea oil rigs!”
“Duly recorded, Prime Minister.”
“And third,” Fitzwilliam whispered, his voice barely audible, “we owe the Chinese £50 trillion!”
Penelope’s pen dropped to the floor. “Oh, Prime Minister, now you’re just being irresponsible!”
Alright, let’s break down this joke!
Joke Dissection:
- Setup: An old, dying Scottish man (MacGregor) is making his deathbed confessions to his wife, Sarah.
- Key Elements:
- Scottish Stereotype: Tight-fisted, concerned about debts and belongings.
- Debt Focus: Prioritizing financial matters over sentimental goodbyes.
- Asymmetrical Debt: Eager to collect debts owed to them, but reluctant to acknowledge debts they owe.
- Wife’s Reaction: Initially supportive, but then exasperated by his priorities.
- Punchline: The wife’s exasperated “Ach, would ye listen to the poor man rave!” highlights the absurdity of his focus on debts at such a critical moment. It’s funny because it juxtaposes the expected solemnity of a deathbed scene with a trivial concern.
Enrichment & New Humor Creation:
Let’s focus on the Scottish Clans mentioned (Campbells, Macallans, Wallaces) and the idea of inter-clan debt.
Factoid: Clan rivalries in the Scottish Highlands were often fueled by, among other things, disputes over land, cattle (a major form of wealth), and of course, perceived slights to honor. The Campbell and MacGregor clans in particular have a history of conflict.
New Humor – Witty Observation:
“It’s often said that dying men reveal their deepest regrets. Turns out, in Scotland, that might just be unpaid invoices. A Campbell could be at your funeral… probably just checking to see if you can still be held liable for those chickens.”
New Humor – Joke Variation:
Old Man MacTavish was breathing his last. His son leaned in close.
“Father,” he whispered, “Is there anything you need to confess? Anything you want to get off your chest before you meet your maker?”
MacTavish rasped, “Aye, son. I borrowed a lawnmower from the Frasers in ’87, and I never returned it.”
The son was relieved. “Is that all, Father? Just a lawnmower?”
MacTavish closed his eyes weakly. “And I replaced it with one that was much much worse.”
New Humor – Amusing “Did You Know?”
Did you know that in the Scottish Highlands, before modern accounting, a family’s worth wasn’t measured in gold, but in livestock and the number of grudges they held? It’s said some clan histories are just elaborate balance sheets of who owes whom what sheep… and for what insult!
These new pieces all build upon the original joke’s themes of Scottish stereotypes, debt obsessions, and the complexities of inter-clan relations, adding another layer of humor through historical context and amusing exaggerations.