Unfortunately, all of his local mates quickly learned to never wager against him, especially if he had been drinking.
One night, he arrived at the pub to find a stranger standing on a bench issuing a challenge. “I reckon I can beat any one of y’all in a game of darts, and I’ll put up the money to prove it,“ she said. “I’m fixin’ to wager $1,000 on a simple game of darts. Three throws, and if ANY of your throws beat a single one of mine, you win the whole pot.“
The crowd murmured, and all eyes turned to the dart champion. “OK, stranger. I’ll take that bet…but let’s make it $10,000.”
“Sound good,” she said, “but I have one condition: each one of us takes a drink before we play, and we each choose the other’s drink.”
The dart champion’s face lit up, as he couldn’t believe his luck. “Fine by me, stranger. You’ll have bourbon whiskey, a double.”
“And you’ll have absinthe, a single shot,” she replied. The bartender served them up, each downed their drinks, and the game was on. She was the first to throw, scoring a double eight. He smirked, believing that with a throw as mediocre as that one, she had already lost the game. Aiming at the bullseye, he let his dart fly, and was shocked when it hit the numbered ring on the outside perimeter of the board, scoring zero points.
Next, she threw a triple two, and his throw went wide, the dart impaling the the wood panel the dartboard hung on. He was aghast; it was the first time that he had missed the dartboard in years.
On her third and final throw, she threw a double five. Concentrating all of his focus, he aimed at the exact center of the board, and was shocked when the dart missed both the board and its wood panel and lodged itself on the bathroom door, barely missing the head of an exiting patron. She smiled. “Good effort, friend! Thanks for playing!”
As he wrote her a check for the full $10,000, he stammered, “I just don’t understand what happened. I’m the regional darts champion, and a drink or two always improves my aim.”
She gave him a wink and replied, “I reckon you learned a valuable lesson today: Absinthe makes the dart go yonder.”
Joke Poo: The Calorie Contest
Once there was a competitive eater, renowned regionally, who discovered that his capacity increased significantly after a pre-meal shot of pickle juice.
His friends, however, knew better than to challenge him to eating contests, especially if he’d recently visited a pickle jar.
One day, at a local food festival, a svelte woman stood atop a picnic table, issuing a challenge. “I bet I can out-eat any of you gluttons, and I’m putting my money where my mouth is! I’m wagering $1,000 that I can consume more calories in 30 minutes than anyone else here.”
The crowd buzzed, and every head swiveled towards the competitive eater. “Alright, stranger. I’ll take that bet…but let’s make it $10,000.”
“Sounds good,” she said, “but I have one condition: Before we start, we each take a pre-meal snack, and we each choose the other’s.”
The competitive eater’s stomach rumbled with anticipation. “Fine by me, stranger. You’ll have a single raw carrot stick.”
“And you’ll have a single, sugar-free breath mint,” she replied. The snacks were distributed, consumed quickly, and the timer started. She started in on a tray of baklava, eating continuously. The champion struggled to eat anything.
At the end of thirty minutes, she had consumed 6000 calories. He had not been able to eat a single bite. He was astounded.
As he wrote the check for $10,000, he spluttered, “I don’t understand! I’m a competitive eater, and a shot of pickle juice always gets my stomach primed and ready.”
She gave him a sly smile and replied, “I reckon you learned a valuable lesson today: Absence makes the stomach grow fonder… of nothing.”
Alright, let’s dissect this joke.
Core Elements:
- The Setup: A darts champion finds alcohol improves his game. A stranger challenges him with a high-stakes bet.
- The Twist: The stranger proposes a pre-game drink, and specifically selects absinthe for the champion. The champion’s skill vanishes.
- The Punchline: “Absinthe makes the dart go yonder,” a play on the old adage “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. The joke explains the champion’s loss with the intoxicating effect of absinthe.
Humor Analysis:
The joke works on several levels:
- Reversal of Expectation: We expect the champion to easily win, given his alcohol-assisted skill. The absinthe throws that expectation completely off.
- Wordplay: The pun “Absinthe makes the dart go yonder” is the main source of humor.
- Absurdity: The champion’s sudden inability to even hit the board, let alone aim, is exaggerated and funny.
Comedic Enrichment:
Now, let’s leverage the elements to create some related humor. Here’s a “Did You Know?” enhanced observation:
Did You Know?
Absinthe, often called “The Green Fairy,” was actually banned in many countries (including the US and most of Europe) for almost a century due to concerns about its alleged psychoactive effects from the compound thujone, found in wormwood. While the thujone levels in modern absinthe are carefully regulated, in large quantities it can lead to muscle spasms and convulsions, in some cases causing people to completely miss dart boards and accidentally stick darts in doors or patrons! So the next time you’re playing darts, stick to beer — unless you’re betting against someone else who’s had absinthe, of course! Then, wager away.