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One day, Tarzan was swinging on vines in the jungle

Posted on May 27, 2025 by Joke Poo

One day, Tarzan was swinging on vines in the jungle when he saw a beautiful lady sunbathing on the ground. He walks up to her and because she is wearing a skimpy bikini, he instantly gets an erection. And because he is only wearing a loin cloth, it’s VERY obvious.

The lady, upon seeing this muscular man sporting a huge erection, asks, “Have you ever had sex before?”

He responds, “No, when Tarzan gets horny, he uses hole in tree.”

The lady slowly takes off her top and bottom and lies spread eagle in front of him and says, “Well, sexy man, use this hole instead!”

He then proceeds to kick her right in the crotch, she exclaims, “Why the hell did you kick me?!”

He responds, “Tarzan learned to check for bees in hole first.”

Joke Poo: The Astronaut’s Inspection

One day, an astronaut, Neil, was spacewalking outside the International Space Station when he spotted a fellow astronaut, Svetlana, floating nearby, adjusting a solar panel. He drifts over to her, and because of the zero-gravity environment, it’s immediately obvious he’s experiencing a, uh, noticeable physiological reaction to her presence.

Svetlana, upon seeing the slightly embarrassed expression on the floating man with the evident issue, asks, "Have you ever done this…in space…before?"

He responds, "No. Usually, when Neil gets…enthusiastic, he uses the airlock’s waste disposal system."

Svetlana unzips her jumpsuit and carefully positions herself in a stable, spread-eagle position in the void, a slight mischievous glint in her eye. "Well, spaceman, try this port instead!"

He then proceeds to thoroughly inspect the interior of her jumpsuit with a high-powered flashlight, muttering calculations under his breath. She exclaims, "Why are you shining a light in there?!"

He responds, "Neil learned to check for loose screws in port first. Safety regulations, you know!"

Okay, let’s break down this Tarzan joke.

Key Elements:

  • Tarzan and Jungle Setting: Establishes a primal, "uncivilized" context.
  • Sexual Naivety: Tarzan’s ignorance about human sexuality is the core comedic driver.
  • Erection as a Physical Manifestation: The joke relies on the visual humor of a pronounced erection.
  • "Hole in Tree" Analogy: The absurd comparison of sex to a hole in a tree used for self-pleasure.
  • Unexpected Violence/Reversal: The ending subverts the expected sexual encounter with a kick to the crotch and the "checking for bees" explanation.
  • Double Entendre/Pun: The humor relies heavily on double entendres involving "hole" and the associated sexual implications.

Analysis:

The joke is funny because it plays on the contrast between Tarzan’s presumed animalistic nature and human sexual interaction. The punchline’s unexpected violence disrupts the sexual tension that has been built, creating a moment of jarring, absurd humor. It also relies on the reader’s/listener’s own understanding of social norms and expectations around sexual encounters.

Comedic Enrichment – "Tarzan’s Dating App Bio":

Taking the core element of Tarzan’s sexual naivety and updating it for a modern context:

"Tarzan’s Tinder Profile:"

Profile Pic: A slightly blurry selfie taken with a vine, pecs glistening with jungle dew.

Bio: "King of the Jungle. Looking for Jane. Must be comfortable with heights and minimal clothing. Warning: If I get excited, standard procedure involves ‘checking for bees.’ Serious inquiries only. DM for vine location. No trees."

Explanation:

This is a modern take, playing off the original joke by framing Tarzan’s unconventional sexual habits within the context of a dating app.

  • It references key elements: vine swinging, "bees" and the potential for surprising and slightly violent moments.
  • The humor stems from the incongruity of Tarzan’s primitive behavior in the civilized setting of online dating.
  • The "No trees" at the end is a final punchline, reminding us of the original joke’s core absurdity.

Additionally:

Did you know that in the original Tarzan novels, Edgar Rice Burroughs never explicitly states that Tarzan uses a hole in a tree for self-pleasure. That specific (and rather vulgar) element is a modern addition to the Tarzan mythos, likely born from the character’s isolation and perceived ignorance of human customs.

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