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Effective Date: 2025

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Todays SH1T Jokes

  • My therapist thought I was a communist
  • A tourist is hiking through the Scottish Highlands and stops to take a drink from a stream.
  • A man walks home from work.
  • Everyone at the autopsy club is excited
  • What do you say to a gross sheep? Ewwwwwwe
  • What should you prepare in case of trick-or-treating cats?
  • Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
  • Famous last words…
  • Every night, this guy would stumble home blind drunk and lose his dinner right there in the kitchen sink.
  • Everyone told Beethoven he would never be a composer because he was deaf.
  • A lion was walking through the savanna. He comes across a boar.
  • I don’t want to brag, but I made 6 figures last year
  • A giraffe was walking through the jungle…
  • What do you call a duck that graduates at the top of its class?
  • An Englishman goes to a Chinese tailor
  • When Beethoven passed away
  • My wife hates that I’m always making urination jokes. She said she feels like her opinion doesn’t matter to me.
  • (Long) I was in the garage working on my car when my girlfriend walked in with her new puppy.
  • “Seeds are the best!!” “Oh really? Says who??”
  • Did you hear about the Rainbow Criminal?
  • Brain cancer is the easiest disease to cure
  • Who is smarter?
  • Why didn’t the skeleton go trick-or-treating?
  • America vs England
  • What spice makes you happy when you use it?
  • Train tracks are like nipples.
  • Tarzan and Jane
  • A kilted Scotsman was walking home from a pub one morning after a night of whisky. He collapses by the roadside for a nap.
  • Recently a guy in our friends group came out as being a car-philiac.
  • A guy is rushed to the hospital and plugged into life support.
  • A businessman goes on a business trip to Japan
  • A Texan is in Boston
  • A son in love confides in his father
  • Scientists have determined that human breast milk is the perfect food.
  • My Girlfriend yelled at me, “Stop it with all your corny jokes”
  • Three men check into a hotel and ask for rooms with balconies.
  • An African prince comes to the USA and meets a beautiful woman.
  • Once upon a time there was a lake shaped like a triangle with one long side, one short side, and one middle side. On each side of the lake was a different kingdom
  • Did you hear the one about the mean teacher in dental school?
  • Difference between Guts and Balls
  • What do you call sex toys made from folded paper?
  • Being in love is like shitting in your pants…
  • My ex dumped me after I lost part of my foot to frostbite.
  • Golf Wife
  • An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired for the morning shift at a deep coal mine.
  • My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan.
  • An elderly woman rushed to the pharmacy to pick up medication, but when she returned to her car, she realized she had locked her keys inside.
  • A teacher noticed a little boy squirming in his seat and not paying attention.
  • I asked my friend a question
  • Mom leaving for work is asking her young son: “What are you going to do this afternoon while I’m gone?”

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