The Commander was never stationed at the camp before, so he was given a tour of the camp. Suddenly, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. Surprised, he asked them why they were guarding the bench, and they said that that's what their previous commander told them to do. He got into contact with the previous commander, and he told him that that's what the commander before him did, and he just kept the tradition. Eventually, he got to the oldest Commander, a 100 year old retired man. He asked him why the 2 people were still guarding the bench at the Army Camp he was Commanding over 60 years ago, and he said:
"What! The paint is still wet?"
Okay, here’s my attempt at a "Joke Poo" version of the Army bench joke, titled "Archaeological Dig":
Joke Poo: Archaeological Dig
A newly appointed Site Manager arrived at a famous archaeological dig site. Having never been there before, she was given a full tour. She noticed three junior archaeologists meticulously brushing around a single, perfectly ordinary-looking rock. Puzzled, she asked them why they were dedicating so much time to this one rock.
"Well, that’s what the previous Site Manager instructed," they explained.
The new manager contacted the previous Site Manager, who said he’d been told the same thing by his predecessor. This continued until they tracked down the original Site Manager, a frail, 98-year-old professor emeritus.
The current Site Manager called him, frustrated. "Professor, why are three of my best archaeologists spending weeks meticulously brushing around this seemingly ordinary rock?"
The professor wheezed, "What! They haven’t found my glasses yet?"
Okay, let’s break down this joke and see what comedic gold we can mine.
Analysis:
- Core Idea: The humor stems from bureaucratic inertia and blindly following orders without questioning their origin or relevance. A seemingly important task (guarding a bench) is revealed to be completely pointless after generations of unquestioning obedience.
- Key Elements:
- Military Hierarchy: The joke relies heavily on the military’s rigid chain of command.
- Unquestioning Obedience: The soldiers follow orders without understanding the rationale.
- Tradition vs. Logic: The "tradition" of guarding the bench becomes absurd in the face of its initial purpose.
- The Punchline: The revelation that the original reason (wet paint) is long gone and completely forgotten.
Factual/Interesting Tidbits to Enhance the Humor:
- Military Slang: The military is rife with specialized slang and acronyms, often creating inside jokes.
- The Milgram Experiment: A famous psychology experiment demonstrating people’s willingness to obey authority figures, even when it conflicts with their personal conscience.
- "SNAFU" (Situation Normal, All F*cked Up): A classic military term that perfectly encapsulates the absurdity of the situation in the joke.
- Bureaucratic Red Tape: Real-world examples of government or organizational inefficiencies caused by outdated procedures or regulations.
New Humor Creation (Joke):
A young recruit, fresh out of basic, was assigned to guard a specific tree on the parade ground. For weeks, he stood there, ramrod straight, diligently protecting the tree. Finally, the Sergeant, noticing the recruit’s unwavering dedication, approached him.
"Son," the Sergeant said, "You’ve been guarding that tree for weeks. Do you even know why you’re guarding it?"
The recruit puffed out his chest and replied, "Sir, yes sir! I’m guarding the tree to prevent anyone from disrupting the sacred woodpecker mating ritual!"
The Sergeant, puzzled, asked, "Sacred woodpecker mating ritual? What woodpecker mating ritual?"
The recruit confidently pointed to the tree. "Sir, that’s what the plaque says! ‘Tree reserved for Woodpecker Mating Ritual: Do Not Disturb – Ordinance 734-Alpha-Omega-Tango.’"
The Sergeant squinted at the plaque. It was so old and weathered, he could barely make out the text. He radioed the historical preservation officer. The officer arrived, took one look at the plaque, and said, "That’s not what it says! That’s the original sign designating the location of the portable toilet. The ‘woodpecker’ he mentioned was actually a plumber, and all the officers knew to make sure they "didn’t disturb" him, or else nobody would have any way to take a sh**"