I used to hide in my parents closet as a kid to jump out and scare the living crap outta my parents.
So one day I was hiding in the closet and I saw my mom having an affair with someone, my dad drives in and the guy comes in and hides in the closet, and I tell him is dark in here, and he replies Yes it is, then I go ask him, if he wants to buy my baseball glove and he says no, then I tell him okay I'll tell my dad you're in here, so then he asks me how much I said about 250$ then he said fine.
About a week later I'm hiding in the closet and the same man comes, I hear my dad walking to the door, the man hides in the closet and I say it's dark in here, he says yes it is, then I ask him wanna buy my baseball bat, he says no, so I tell him okay I'll tell my dad you're in here, then he says fine how much ? I told him about 750$ he angrly said FINE!
Then one day my dad asks me to get my gloves and baseball bat so we can play, I told him, I'm sorry but I sold them, he asks , how much did you sold them for I said 1000$ and he got mad at me because he thought I sold them to my friends and telling me I overcharged them, so then on Sunday he took me to church to confess, so he goes and gets the priest, and we both go in the confession booth, and before I confess I told the priest, it's dark In here, and the priest said, please not this again.
Joke Poo: The Exam
I used to hide in the supply closet at school to jump out and scare the living crap outta the janitors.
So one day I was hiding in the closet and I saw Mrs. Crabtree, the History teacher, swapping a test answer sheet with a student. The principal walks in, the student panics, and hides in the closet. I say, "It’s dark in here." He replies, "Yes, it is." Then I ask him, "Wanna buy a passing grade on the History final?" He says no. So I tell him, "Okay, I’ll tell the principal you’re cheating." Then he says, "Fine, how much?" I said about $500. He reluctantly said, "Fine!"
About a week later I’m hiding in the closet again and the same student comes back. I hear Mrs. Crabtree arriving, the student hides in the closet and I say, "It’s dark in here." He says, "Yes, it is." Then I ask him, "Wanna buy an A+ on the Chemistry exam?" He says no. So I tell him, "Okay, I’ll tell Mrs. Crabtree you’re ratting her out." Then he says, "Fine, how much?" I told him about $1000. He angrily says, "FINE!"
Then one day my mom asks me how I was doing so well in school, I told her, I made friends with Mrs. Crabtree. She asks , how much did you spend to make a new friend I said 1500$ and she got mad at me because she thought I overspent, so then on Sunday she took me to church to confess, so she goes and gets the priest, and we both go in the confession booth, and before I confess I told the priest, it’s dark In here, and the priest said, "Please not this again, Jimmy."
Okay, let’s dissect this joke!
Key Elements:
- Premise: A child repeatedly witnesses his mother’s affair while hiding in the closet, using this knowledge to extort money from the adulterer.
- Child’s Naivety (Initially): The humor stems from the child’s initial focus on personal gain (selling baseball equipment) rather than grasping the gravity of the situation. Though he’s not naive, he’s opportunistic.
- Extortion/Blackmail: The child quickly learns how to exploit the situation, leveraging the adulterer’s fear of exposure for profit.
- Unexpected Twist/Payoff: The punchline reveals a pattern of behavior by the adulterer with the priest, establishing him as a repeat offender.
- Dark Humor: There’s an element of dysfunction and moral ambiguity that underpins the entire scenario.
Factually Interesting & Comedically Enriching Tidbits:
- Confession Booth Acoustics: Confession booths are often designed with surprisingly good acoustics, allowing the priest to hear even whispers. This is to ensure privacy but also makes eavesdropping (intentional or accidental) potentially easier.
- The Price of Baseball Memorabilia: A baseball glove and bat, even used ones, can fetch significant prices, especially if autographed or associated with famous players. This adds a layer of plausibility to the extortion (albeit an exaggerated one).
- Affairs and Closet Hiding: While closet hiding is a common trope in farcical situations, the modern equivalent is likely someone hearing something through a smart device.
New Joke/Witty Observation/Did You Know:
Option 1 (New Joke):
My therapist told me I had a "situational awareness" problem. I didn’t understand what she meant until I hid in my own closet during a party and started charging guests for "safe passage" to the bathroom. I thought it was entrepreneurial! Apparently, "extortion" is a loaded term.
Option 2 (Witty Observation):
You know, the kid in the original joke isn’t just an opportunist; he’s essentially a child venture capitalist. He identified a niche market (desperate adulterers), secured venture capital (via blackmail), and reinvested in his sports equipment. I bet he’s running a hedge fund now.
Option 3 (Amusing "Did You Know"):
Did you know that the Roman Catholic Church actually has guidelines for the design of confession booths? The goal is to ensure a safe and private space for confession, but I bet they never considered the possibility of a child using it as a strategic leverage point in an extortion scheme.
How it Plays Off the Original:
- All the new pieces of humor build on the core themes of the original: child exploitation, unexpected encounters, and the use of knowledge for personal gain.
- They modernize the concept, apply it to slightly different contexts, or exaggerate the absurdity of the situation.
- They highlight the darker aspects of the original joke while still maintaining a comedic tone.
Hope this helps!