An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.
“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”
The Devil nodded apologetically. Most people said this when they arrived at Hell.
“Why don’t you start with how you died and we’ll figure it out.” He said
The old man sighed and said:
“Well, I was out with minding my grandchildren, enjoying a fun day out. I don’t get the grandchildren often because my eyesight is starting to fade. But we were having the most wonderful time..
And that’s when everything went crazy!
Out of nowhere, I spotted the largest most grotesque mouse I’ve ever seen moving towards us. It was absolutely enormous!
And that’s when it moved. Straight towards the grandchildren first, limbs outstretched. You don’t know where mice have been, what if it had’ve bitten one of them? Can you imagine if they got rabies on my watch?”
“So what did you do?” The Devil whispered, entranced by the story. He was munching on a box of popcorn.
The old man continued,
“You don’t get how big this mouse was! Radiation it must’ve been. Too many phones these days, that’s what causes it.
I did the only think I could!
I grabbed my walking stick and I cracked it over the head. Now my eye sight isn’t that good anymore, but I whacked it good!
The kids started screaming at this point. You know how they get when you have to kill an animal.
But I needed to keep going. You see with mice, you need to see their guts to know they’re dead. Otherwise they’ll be back with others.”
“So you killed it?” The Devil asked. Some of his demigods had come to listen to the story.
The old man nodded,
“By golly, I did! Guts and all were splattered for all to see. The kids had lost their minds at this point. Tears everywhere. A crowd had gathered as well, all screaming at the sight.
It was at this point, though, that the exertion caught up with me. I felt my heart give way. I must have suffered a heart attack. Next thing I know, I’m here.”
“Well,” the Devil said, concerned, “This doesn’t seem to add up. Let me just give Heaven a call, and we’ll try and see what’s going on here.
The Devil pulled up a phone from thin air and dialled a number.
“Hey, Jesus bro,” the Devil said, “I think I’ve got one of yours here. His story checks out. Must have been a mix-up.”
The Devil nodded as a voice on the phone spoke back to him. He gave the old man a silent celebratory thumbs-up as the voice continued.
The Devil covered the phone speaker with his hand, turned to the old man and said,
“You’re all good, they just want to know where you were when you died.”
The old man nodded,
“Oh, that’s easy, I was at Disneyland.”
Joke Poo: The Interview
Saint Peter stood guard at the pearly gates, polishing his halo. A young woman arrived, looking flustered and holding a very large, brightly colored balloon animal. Peter consulted his ledger, a puzzled expression on his face.
“I can’t seem to find your name here,” he said, adjusting his spectacles.
The woman looked bewildered. “That’s impossible! I’ve been trying to be a good person my whole life.”
Peter nodded sympathetically. Everyone said that, eventually. “Tell me how you passed on. Perhaps that will jog my memory.”
The woman sighed. “Well, I was at my nephew’s birthday party. It was supposed to be a fun day, celebrating his fifth year. But then, disaster struck…”
Peter leaned in, intrigued. He enjoyed a good story, especially when it involved accidental divine intervention.
“The clown was… awful,” she continued, her voice dripping with disdain. “He was doing those tired old balloon animals – you know, dogs, swords, swans… My nephew was so disappointed. He wanted something… unique.”
“And?” Peter prompted, urging her on.
“So I took matters into my own hands. I used to be a bit of an artist, back in college. I thought, ‘I can do better than that clown!'”
Peter raised an eyebrow. “Balloon animals, eh?”
“Yes! I asked for some balloons and started twisting. I was really getting into it! I sculpted a magnificent unicorn, rainbow-colored with a sparkling horn! It was a masterpiece!”
“A unicorn, you say?” Peter seemed impressed.
“The best darn unicorn you’ve ever seen. All the kids gathered around, gasping. My nephew was ecstatic. He was jumping up and down, reaching for it…”
“And that’s when…?” Peter prompted, anticipating the punchline.
The woman’s face fell. “That’s when I leaned too far back, tripped over a rogue bouncy castle, fell, and landed directly on the clown, crushing him instantly. Turns out he had a weak heart and couldn’t handle the shock.”
Peter stared at her, dumbfounded. “You… killed the clown with a rogue bouncy castle and your balloon animal creation?”
The woman nodded miserably. “And now I’m here.”
Peter scratched his head. “This is… unusual. I’ll have to check with the Big Man Upstairs. Just one moment.” He stepped behind the gate and yelled “Hey, Jesus… I think I have a bit of a mix up here…. Yeah, the party…. Unicorn and Bouncy Castle…..”
He turned back to the woman with a hesitant smile, “Alright, all good – just needed you to confirm where the party was held…”
The woman brightened instantly, “Oh, that’s easy… it was at Chuck E. Cheese”
Okay, let’s dissect this joke and then cook up some comedic derivatives.
Joke Dissection:
- Core Premise: A seemingly good old man arrives in Hell due to a bureaucratic mix-up. The humor comes from the absurdity of a benevolent-sounding individual landing in the afterlife’s penal institution.
- Key Elements:
- The Devil: Presented as a relatively reasonable administrator, dealing with paperwork and phone calls to Heaven.
- The Old Man: Believable as an elderly person, concerned about his grandchildren and reacting to a perceived threat.
- The “Giant Mouse”: A clear exaggeration that contributes to the comedic tone, and the fact he blames it on phone radiation.
- The Violent Act: The graphic description of killing the “mouse” is juxtaposed with the old man’s perceived goodness and concern for his grandchildren.
- The Reveal: The twist ending – he was at Disneyland – adds another layer of absurdity. Disneyland represents pure, childlike joy, contrasting sharply with the violence he described.
Comedic Enrichment:
Let’s focus on the “giant mouse” aspect and the old man’s radiation claim.
New Joke/Observation:
Why did the exterminator refuse to work at Disneyland?
He heard they had a Mickey Radiation problem!
Amusing “Did You Know?” Fact:
Did you know that during the Cold War, there were genuine fears about giant, mutated animals due to nuclear testing? While radiation can cause mutations, turning mice into Godzilla-sized rodents is (thankfully) still the stuff of science fiction. However, studies have shown that animals living near Chernobyl have developed unique adaptations, like increased resistance to radiation and changes in their immune systems. So, while you might not see a six-foot mouse any time soon, evolution in the face of radiation is a real, albeit less sensational, phenomenon.
Why this works:
- The new joke puns on the name Mickey Mouse, and “radiation” from the joke, bringing the humor back full circle.
- The “Did You Know?” provides a factual counterpoint to the joke’s outlandish premise. The real-world examples of animal adaptation near Chernobyl add a layer of dark humor, suggesting that the idea of radiation causing mutations isn’t entirely unfounded, just hilariously exaggerated in the joke.