The empty seat

Joke Poo: The Untouched Buffet

It’s the All-You-Can-Eat Rib Eating Contest, and Kevin notices a completely untouched plate piled high with ribs sitting right in front of the champion eater, “Ribzilla” Reynolds. He turns to the judge next to him and asks, “Is anyone going to eat those?”

“Nope,” the judge replies, “those ribs are untouched.”

Kevin is baffled. “That’s unbelievable! Who would leave those ribs untouched in the All-You-Can-Eat Rib Eating Contest?”

The judge sighs. “Well, those ribs belong to Ribzilla. He was supposed to compete, but he had a heart attack. This is the first rib eating contest he hasn’t been in since he started competing.”

“Oh man, I’m so sorry… but couldn’t someone else – another competitor, a friend, even a stray dog – eat those ribs instead?”

The judge shakes his head. “No. They’re all in the bathroom.”

Okay, let’s dissect this joke:

Core Elements:

• Situation: World Cup Final, highly coveted seats.
• Character: Tim (inquisitive, seemingly insensitive), Man (grieving widower).
• Premise: Empty seat at a ridiculously popular event creates a comedic disconnect.
• Twist/Punchline: The double whammy – The seat is reserved, and everyone else is at the funeral of the person the seat was reserved for! The man has nowhere else to be.

Analysis:

The humor arises from the escalating absurdity. The initial shock of an empty seat at the World Cup is relatable. Then the grief explanation pulls on the heartstrings and establishes pathos. The final line twists the knife, so to speak, subverting expectations and delivering dark humor through a morbid logistical problem.

Now, let’s enrich!

Here are a few ways to play off this joke, leveraging related facts:

1. New Joke Structure:

• “I saw a billionaire using a coupon at McDonald’s. I said, ‘Why are you using a coupon?’ He sighed, ‘My wife died last week. She used to handle the finances, and this is the first time since then that I’ve…'”
  • “…that I’ve realized how expensive a Big Mac is when you’re not getting a two-for-one deal!'”

2. Witty Observation:

• “It’s funny how grief makes you hyper-aware of societal norms. Like, if I win the lottery, I’m legally obligated to be happier than someone who just lost their spouse.”

3. Amusing ‘Did You Know’ Fact + Joke:

• Did You Know: The most expensive World Cup tickets ever sold were for the 2014 final in Brazil, going for upwards of $30,000 on the secondary market.
• New joke: “I offered a scalper $30,000 for a World Cup final ticket. He said, ‘I can’t sell it to you. It’s my father’s seat.’ I said, ‘Oh, is he sick?’ He said, ‘No, he’s here! He’s just really, really short. I’m holding him up for leverage.'”

4. Enhancing the Original Joke:

• Instead of a World Cup Final, change the setting to a private astronaut training session with the first ever all-civilian space crew. The man’s wife had dreamed of going to space her whole life. All of her friends and family were also supposed to attend the session…but they’re not in the country. They’re in India, awaiting their visas to come to the United States. The widower hasn’t seen them in years.

Why these are funny:

The new jokes build on the original’s incongruity and surprise. They leverage real-world elements (billionaire cheapness, lottery vs. grief, expensive World Cup tickets, private space programs) to create a humorous disconnect. The enhanced original joke dials up the stakes, making the morbid scenario even more hilarious and poignant.

The key is to take the core absurdity of the original joke and amplify it with specific, relatable, or unexpected details.