A good looking woman stands on the ledge of a bridge poised to jump. A homeless man walking by asks her what she’s doing.
“This is it. I’m done. I’m gonna jump.” She said.
He responds, “well since you’re gonna end it anyway, how about a quickie before you go?”
“Ew, no, you pig!” She exclaimed.
Snarkily, he responded, “Ok then, I’ll just wait for you at the bottom.”
The good looking woman decided not to jump and instead continues to live her life to this day.
Thank you Mr. Homeless Man.
Joke Poo: The Corporate Retreat Savior
A stressed-out executive stands on the edge of a cliff during a corporate team-building retreat, looking ready to swan dive into the abyss. A motivational speaker, sipping his artisanal water nearby, asks her what she’s doing.
“This is it. Q3 reports are a disaster, the CEO hates me, and I’m about to be fired. I’m gonna jump.” She says, voice cracking.
The speaker responds, “Well, since you’re gonna end it anyway, how about we engage in a quick power-posing session and some mindfulness meditation before you go? It’s a great way to release pent-up negative energy.”
“Ugh, no, you new-age guru!” She exclaims, rolling her eyes.
Snarkily, he responds, “Okay then, I’ll just wait for you to hit rock bottom. It’s a great learning experience, and we can debrief your feelings of inadequacy after the paramedics arrive. Now, that’s synergizing!”
The stressed-out executive, thoroughly annoyed by the corporate jargon and the sheer absurdity of the situation, decided not to jump and instead marched back to the retreat, ready to crush Q4 just to spite him.
Thank you, Mr. Motivational Speaker.
Alright, let’s break down this dark humor joke:
Elements:
- Premise: A woman contemplating suicide on a bridge.
- Unexpected Twist: A homeless man offers a sleazy alternative.
- Humor Derivation: The clash between the tragic situation and the man’s opportunistic, selfish proposition. It’s darkly funny because it’s inappropriate and prioritizes the man’s desires over the woman’s crisis.
- Resolution: The absurdity of the situation shocks her enough to not jump. A dark, cynical, and highly improbable ‘solution’ to a serious problem.
- Underlying Theme: Exploitation, the human condition, and the surprising motivations that might unexpectedly help someone.
Analysis: The joke thrives on the shock value and the unexpected use of crass humor in a very serious situation. It’s absurd because it presents a deeply flawed individual as an unwitting, albeit entirely inappropriate, life-saver.
Comedic Enrichment:
Since the joke revolves around a surprising intervention and unexpected life-saving measures, I’ll go with that angle. Let’s present this as a “Did you know?” fact with a comedic twist:
Did you know:
Statistically, you’re more likely to be saved from a suicide attempt by a stray dog nudging your hand for a treat than by a well-meaning professional uttering platitudes. According to the Journal of Existential Tail-Wagging (a mostly fictional but very prestigious periodical in my mind), the treat is more important than the platitudes.
Of course, this excludes the highly improbable scenario where a homeless guy offers a “quickie.” Studies are still pending on the efficacy of such interventions but the preliminary data seems to indicate that it has a 90% chance of either saving someone’s life or being followed by a restraining order. So, as with all life-saving techniques, please do your research.